i ate about 50 prawns within three days. it is a new record for eating the most number of prawns in my entire life, and eating them in two alternate days. i hope i will die of high cholestrol.

This is scary. Someone just screamed. I supposed it's my sister. I was sorry that i kicked her when i walked up the stairs. I knew she was in pain, but i ignored her. It was to teach her a lesson when she should not interfere in what i was doing just now to my brother. I had some ego problem and i didn't apologised to her. I hope she is alright. I didn't mean to do that...

Anyway, during dinner at aunt jacqueline's house. I observed that my paternal grandfather was so lonely. No one talked to him at all. I could see that he was upset from his expression. Yet he was thinking or anxious about something. I supposed he was thinking why he was sitting alone behind my relatives listening to their conversation. I would not want to be neglected like how he is now. I wanted to talk to him but i was too scared. I feel rather guilty now. It was not anyone's fault if he didn't really brought him my uncles and aunts in the right way. Ordering them to do what he thinks is right, yet not telling them why and caned them. It is how it works in the past. Okay, this shall be an entry on my blog for today.

An entry i did on the dreamweaver for my iwd assignment.

i lend mich my calculator today.
i can't stop stop peeping at her all the time during school.
i hope she will pass els retest.
i wonder does jiayi and evon knows whether i'm into mich now.
these few days are so busy, i shouldn't have stoned.
but it was good, at at i'm doing something productive i hoped though i'm v stressed.
talked to mr ho on monday.
still quite lost actually.

project almost killed me. i'm sorry for delaying my work, screwed up the printing. but it was good. i got to talk to michelle more. she's so adorable that makes me want to accompany her to the busstop everday. yesterday was quite exciting, doing project in the dawn with grp members. but i can't take stress. stress only screw me up even worse. i think i know who is a true friend to me. i want to thank kevin for letting me staying over the whole night to print out the papers even though i informed him last min. i really appreciate it. if not i don't know what to do, maybe just sit down and cry/ apologising profusely to my classmate... if he was chee heng, it would be better.

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"Hey, ain't life wonderful? Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful... Isn't it wonderful now?"

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them

I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry
Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world's so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends won't know
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world is so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

No
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
No
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

I don't wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no, no
I don't wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no
I don't wanna meet your friends
And I don't wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now

I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

shopping makes me sleeps soundly at night after reaching house, leaving my com on and people msging me like mad. i totally can't withstand not sleeping after a day's of window shooping with the female classmates. the taxi driver uncle was cool. we had a conversation and i like it. his daughters are so smart and but he still have to work throughout the night like superman. he made my day and make me realised that what i'm learning now will come in handy in future.

but my future seems so bleak still.

i'm tired again.

met up with weiru,kelly,valen,joseph,lee yeung,puay tze for dinner. jason didn't changed at all, except that his body built was better. i thought i can feel better but in the end i felt extra towards the end.

getting all emo or thinking about jc does me no good and it just can't get off my damn head. a friend from teenfx said i should go to see a counsellor. gd morning/night world.

i think i just know yong kai is the captain of the acjc soccer team from information in friendster.
just want to wish him all the best for the coming competition this year. it's a great honour to know such a good person.
tests is starting in four and half hours time. may god bless me even though i just read through the notes.
maybe i ought to fail and drop out of school and just join a soccer club or start working or escape to melbourne if my parents and relatives allowed.

nonetheless, mr cher yong en, edmund. happy birthday!

my paternal grandaunt just passed away.
i have never seen her before nor heard my parents mentioned her before.

i've not studied and almost all the blogs talk about their new year resolution, summing up of 2005, i've nothing.
but worse of all, i wonder how this news will affect my dad. i was playing soccer when they received the news.
what a great start to a new year.

made a little changes to the template since it is the last day of the 2005 to have a new fresh look for the new year. i should have done this long ago. i love the colour combination. i <3 myself.

but there's no one to call me out tomorrow, i want to ask people whether i can tag along but i might make them feel that they are extras in my life as when i'm bored then i go find them, and some people won't like me to tag along. so maybe i should just go bugis later to see whether the nike voucher is of use to me since it's of no use to my siblings and i might find some new clothes over there.

i like to screw myself up all the time. spent 3/4 of more of my holidays at home staring at the computer 24/7. it's a miracle my eyesight didn't deteriorate. thank god for that. but when i tried to mix around, something will screw up eventually, which leaves me build that barrier between them agian.

http://changeme.gettyimages.com is the recent website i visit everyday. please do take a look at it, it's very thought provoking and helps to do a good dead at the same time. =)

valentina just smsed me and memories of sitting beside her just floods my mind.
i've wasted the whole of 2005.
i wonder how saturday will be spent. i remember vividly how i walked from clementi road to pandan valley to the corridor of mr. khew's house to cineleisure watching blade trinity to boarding the taxi with him and joy. that was the last time i saw him, and i wonder how is he doing right now.
i miss the feeling of sharing a cab with joy. now she's the captain of sa's touch rug, it will be a honour to share a cab with her.

i hate to see my dad watching the television. he turn on the volume so loud and he still can't heard it. he just went to place his ears on the speakers of the television and couldn't see the screen. what's the use of that? and he just doesn't listen to us, thinking that he's still fit and healthy and all. money can buy happiness. but as long as it exist, no people will be freed from anything even if they believe in anything or everything. and seriously, i wouldn't want to take care of someone who has lots of problems when they're old. there's so much to learn to be a better father from my parents and it scares me right now.

one week has past. wasted another day, my houes environment is totally not for studying or anything. but drama queens' blog is so entertaining. i'm so smitten with her throughout the day. she's so princess. =D

And what they didn't know was that their lives have changed forever.
Because they have been part of something great.
And greatness, no matter how brief...
... stays with a man.
Every athlete dreams of a second chance.
These men lived it.

- The Replacement

i dislike my home. i wished christmas wasn't here. but if not for today, will many people out there not be happy to celebrate this joyous occasion especially khin?

i'm like silver, living in darkness. except she's a child born by chance and probably have a predictable yet unpredictable future that is more exciting than my.

i'm living in a 5 room flat, yet i squeeze with my parents and my sister in a master bedroom. lying on the floor everyday with a matress which is not longer than me. have to wake up now because the clock radio is being blasted so loud everyday by my dad and i wonder how he slp with it. doesn't he spare a thought for others thought he's in depression or feeling bad? don't they know that i'm feeling bad too? maybe i should really do something to attract some attention, and i know i can't really take it anymore, feeling so weary. but it's isn't fair to my mum.

religion is making my family upside down, especially my sister. she find comfort in church and hence being influenced by the preaching of her church friends. i do not object to it, but then which parents aren't concern with their children? now i see why singapore doesn't talk abt religion. it's so sensitive. osama bin laden. saddam hussein. war. there will never be peace as long as religion is concerned. my brother is using vuglarities at the rate of i do now, which is bad. he's going to a new school, and i hope he will not get influenced or anything especially at this age. and i wonder why do i use that damn f word every single day now with the middle finger. it's christmas and i was thinking if i can go to school for a swim since no one is there to laugh at me on how slow i swim and the way i swim. happy birthday jesus christ.

i never really liked christmas or christmas eve since 13.
tsunami. may they rest in peace.

thomas ong is so so so so so so so so so so so so duper freaking handsome!

i'm going gagagagagagagaga over him.