made a little changes to the template since it is the last day of the 2005 to have a new fresh look for the new year. i should have done this long ago. i love the colour combination. i <3 myself.

but there's no one to call me out tomorrow, i want to ask people whether i can tag along but i might make them feel that they are extras in my life as when i'm bored then i go find them, and some people won't like me to tag along. so maybe i should just go bugis later to see whether the nike voucher is of use to me since it's of no use to my siblings and i might find some new clothes over there.

i like to screw myself up all the time. spent 3/4 of more of my holidays at home staring at the computer 24/7. it's a miracle my eyesight didn't deteriorate. thank god for that. but when i tried to mix around, something will screw up eventually, which leaves me build that barrier between them agian.

http://changeme.gettyimages.com is the recent website i visit everyday. please do take a look at it, it's very thought provoking and helps to do a good dead at the same time. =)

valentina just smsed me and memories of sitting beside her just floods my mind.
i've wasted the whole of 2005.
i wonder how saturday will be spent. i remember vividly how i walked from clementi road to pandan valley to the corridor of mr. khew's house to cineleisure watching blade trinity to boarding the taxi with him and joy. that was the last time i saw him, and i wonder how is he doing right now.
i miss the feeling of sharing a cab with joy. now she's the captain of sa's touch rug, it will be a honour to share a cab with her.

i hate to see my dad watching the television. he turn on the volume so loud and he still can't heard it. he just went to place his ears on the speakers of the television and couldn't see the screen. what's the use of that? and he just doesn't listen to us, thinking that he's still fit and healthy and all. money can buy happiness. but as long as it exist, no people will be freed from anything even if they believe in anything or everything. and seriously, i wouldn't want to take care of someone who has lots of problems when they're old. there's so much to learn to be a better father from my parents and it scares me right now.

one week has past. wasted another day, my houes environment is totally not for studying or anything. but drama queens' blog is so entertaining. i'm so smitten with her throughout the day. she's so princess. =D

And what they didn't know was that their lives have changed forever.
Because they have been part of something great.
And greatness, no matter how brief...
... stays with a man.
Every athlete dreams of a second chance.
These men lived it.

- The Replacement

i dislike my home. i wished christmas wasn't here. but if not for today, will many people out there not be happy to celebrate this joyous occasion especially khin?

i'm like silver, living in darkness. except she's a child born by chance and probably have a predictable yet unpredictable future that is more exciting than my.

i'm living in a 5 room flat, yet i squeeze with my parents and my sister in a master bedroom. lying on the floor everyday with a matress which is not longer than me. have to wake up now because the clock radio is being blasted so loud everyday by my dad and i wonder how he slp with it. doesn't he spare a thought for others thought he's in depression or feeling bad? don't they know that i'm feeling bad too? maybe i should really do something to attract some attention, and i know i can't really take it anymore, feeling so weary. but it's isn't fair to my mum.

religion is making my family upside down, especially my sister. she find comfort in church and hence being influenced by the preaching of her church friends. i do not object to it, but then which parents aren't concern with their children? now i see why singapore doesn't talk abt religion. it's so sensitive. osama bin laden. saddam hussein. war. there will never be peace as long as religion is concerned. my brother is using vuglarities at the rate of i do now, which is bad. he's going to a new school, and i hope he will not get influenced or anything especially at this age. and i wonder why do i use that damn f word every single day now with the middle finger. it's christmas and i was thinking if i can go to school for a swim since no one is there to laugh at me on how slow i swim and the way i swim. happy birthday jesus christ.

i never really liked christmas or christmas eve since 13.
tsunami. may they rest in peace.

thomas ong is so so so so so so so so so so so so duper freaking handsome!

i'm going gagagagagagagaga over him.

Thomas Ong ROCKS! he's the first actor i liked since young. he's so boyish,handsome,tall. love conceige is a nice show.

although yesterday was a day filled with activities, went to snow city and played soccer after that. it didn't manage to keep me happy today. sentosa on monday wasn't that fun as i thought though i played volleyball (which i sucks) with some yr3 IT students from np/sp and students from nus sci faculty. one of them who has permed hair, wearing a white esprit top with a beige-brown billagbong shorts and pink roxy slippers is so attractive, the way she speaks makes me want to melt. and she's taller than me. haha, talking about her makes me happy now.

i envy the 3 'siew' sisters. their blogs makes me happy and sad. their famil, friends and everything is so good.

fuck is a useful word. it can be a noun or verb or adjective. fuck shit.. fucking hell. fuck you.

i don't know what i want for christmas and who to give present to. if i'm going to do so, this will be my first time.

sometimes i hate people to say thanks to me, it's so formal that i feel i'm not their friend thought i start to believe that i'm motivated by appreciation. it's should be that way, we should help each other and it should be out of concern. but i'm doing it hoping to rekindle that kind of closer relationship 5years ago.

i dread tests, it's so fast, half the semester is gone.

been very tired these few days due to schoolwork. i think i'm being condemn by my advisor just because i don't bother to distort a smile on my face. so much about first impression...
being consistant doesn't help at all, it's the exams that all counts. watched superhost just now. i can only say humans are hypocrites. fake people using feelings to deceive others. damn it. i don't want to see my advisor tommorow or anymore. i just don't realy like her.
school sucks.

been very tired these few days due to schoolwork. i think i'm being condemn by my advisor just because i don't bother to distort a smile on my face. so much about first impression...
being consistant doesn't help at all, it's the exams that all counts. watched superhost just now. i can only say humans are hypocrites. fake people using feelings to deceive others. damn it. i don't want to see my advisor tommorow or anymore. i just don't realy like her.
school sucks.

i was starstrucked today.
i saw 'baluku' on the bus on my way to school.
i saw daphne khoo during lunch. she sat at the next table beside me, just less than 2 metres away. she's quite slim, the tv is supposed to beautify a person, but not for her case. i almost wanted to take the bottle of water chestnut that she drank, but thought it was weird and stupid.
i thought i saw blinkymummy again, but it wasn't her.
i saw an old actress at carrefour just now. she's so tall.
i saw another caucasian. he's so tall that his head is just sweeping the top of the bus. he's gigantic. i want to be his friend!

i thought i saw blinkymummy on the 960 bus on saturday night. but it wasn't her.

Just decided to read through Electrical Systems tutorial questions and call it a day for my schoolwork. Was surfing friendster, i feel happy for my friends who are happy and have moved on in life. Yet i am struggling with my own life. Holding on to this small little faith has this excruciating pain of wondering when it will come true again. I dislike this semester timetable which does not allow us to have regular sleeping time. I slept for 8 hours yesterday, and i'm left with 3hours of sleep now. There's 4 different tutorial tomorrow, also the most tired day of all. I have finished 3 other tutorials, leaving ELS half done.

Reading blogs have become an essential part of my life. It cheers me up or sets me thinking. I think that i've read through lots of emotional stuff, and put myself in that person point of view. I like being a passerby in blogs, and just tag something encouraging or cheering them up. I'm an introvert,sensor,feeler,judger. So means being a psychologist is difficult.

Talked to my Econs tutor for awhile after i stayed back to ask him some question. Being in poly gives me no chance of studying psychology in NUS, unless i go overseas. I'm in this emotional phrase of life, so maybe it's just curiousity and not passion. I'm easily faltered.

Still have tons of homework for every single module to do, but then i haven't touched it at all. Really starting to lose the motivation of going to school. I've wondered why some people are in the school team, and when they go to another institution, they don't want to continue in that sports. Passion or learning more things is better? Which will lead to success and happiness?

Just a random entry, just to let the 1 or 2 people who reads my blog that i'm still alive.

the past few days was meaningful. got to learn something from church again. saw malcolm baptised, being push down the water and 'resurrect' again. went on city harvest, and there was overseas pastors preaching. both of them are very interesting, esp the guy who sung the song. he's so cool. that was also the first time i offered tithe. played soccer yesterday, and this time i didn't lose my temper, but i know kevin is disappointed with us, because we didn't improve anymore and the whole team is relying on him all the time esp the centre midfield.

i'm still trying my best not to dislike school and being friendly. i don't understand why can't we have the november/december holidays. i still have an hour to slp before going to school. couldn't slp on sat night and just now, i could feel the 'sensation' i felt when i slp very late during upper sec days. and when i was lying down on the bed till 2+, i could feel the 'pain' literally being taken away. is it just my mind or it's god?