i hate myself for slping at 4++am nowadays even though i know that it will lengthen the recovery time for my injury. i seriously don't know why the fuck do i like to go against myself. i know that i can slping early and waking up early makes me feel very bored but i can go take a swim/tan in the school's pool rather than wasting my life typing stupid entries that doesn't make sense. i bet msot people will look at the picture(esp guys) rather than reading my entries. most people will just glance through it. therefore i put a picture of adriana lima.

i seriously think i'm one screwed up person too. i don't think she's really pretty. jessica alba thighs are too big. nothing is perfect. there's nothing i like no matter how pretty they are. crazy. i even have thoughts of stop exercising and just grow fat and rot and just wish that someday someone will appreciate me for who i am. this is screwed because i don't even feel for jessica alba/adriana lima (one of the world's most beautiful ladies). ok, i really need to go. i think i can't see properly and my eyes hurts badly. i think god might be punishing me because i might have to wear specs/contacts(which i dislike).

what do you define as pure/virgin(sexually)?

i was reading hollywoodtuna when i saw rachel bilson on GQ magazine. so i went to GQ official website after grace when offline yesterday night and saw adriana lima (the supermodel) on their april cover page. since i'm a guy, i went to see the other photos. she's posing nude for them.


taken from GQ magazine official site.

to be honest, i was turned on, wished i'm her husband, etc, etc. but after awhile i was back to normal and i thought of joanne peh in the new channal 8 drama series. yes, i still think of joanne peh though adriana lima have a hotter body (exclaimed by the world).

supermodel are just doing their job, they have to be totally uncovered and male coworkers get to see her entire body. yes, i'm very very jealous! i'll go nude too if i get to see her nude... BUT in this case, are supermodel considered dirty? there is no sexual intention.

in the show, joanne peh sold her body to send her younger sister to study hairstyling in UK. there is no sexual intention too.

in both situations, they both have a choice(we always do) as most will argue. perhaps adriana lima love her body and view it as an expression of love for her body. what about joanne peh? she might feel very dirty as seen in the show, something that will be in her memory till she dies. now we shall look at edison. was the scandal his fault? i don't think so. he didn't want this to happen IMO. even if he's mentally sick or it is an addiction to him, i don't think it is his fault.

look at america... paris hilton. i adore her at times though she can be very arrogant. she's doing well? what about vanessa hudgens(the hairspray movie actress)?

we all have different perspective of pure/innocent/virginity/dirty/filthy, etc.

what if one day you realised that your other half has been hiding this secret from you what will you do?

what if you tell your other half this secret and he/she can't accept it? what would you do?

it is good to know everything, sex, studies, life, travelling, work, finance, property, love, etc. etc. but how do they change your perspective?

oh yes, i want to comment on the 7pm channel 8 series, life made simple aka 'ah wang xin zuan". i find that it's unrealistic. yes, ok i admit that i'm biased towards him because i cant stand his retardation. yes, he is genuine, kind, lovely, etc but he doesn't bring back money. how do you survive in the urban area(city) without money? it's too unrealistic. i don't believe that his love will surpass this factor because everyone in this world wants a good life(love and materialism) not taking care of a retard.

ok, i can't get to sleep now. this sucks. i'm going to stuck tissue up my right nose now because i didn't listen to my body when i've got symptoms showing the past few mornings. i feel like plucking my hair again. i guess i'll really need to go get waxed pretty soon. there will be consequences if i get waxed too. firstly, someone will see me nude too. so am i considered dirty because my other half is the first to see me nude? secondly, i won't want a male to see me nude because it's so gay but i'll be embarrassed if it's a female. or they only have male staff for male waxing? dilemma.

anyway, does anyone know if singapore still sell motorola slvr L72(that came out last june)? how much does it cost and if it is good to use? ok, this entry is so incoherent... i'll go and lie down on the sofa now before my eyes starts to hurt very badly again.

i saw this at the bus stop outside NUH today.

i'm feeling like... i'm on my own again at this moment.

i learnt a new word: inconsolable. :)

i think i'm getting use to this lifestyle slowly. need more time management/social skills to improve, cannot stay inside this comfort zone or else i'll become someone whom i somehow promise myself not to become in future. the feeling and point of view is totally different when you're in this 'experiment' from that of the feeling and point of view of those who are not involved. i was screw loosed yesterday, went to buy a pair of socks for $16.90. laugh at me. hohoho.

god, please let my leg recover fully by this month...

seems like i reach home later and later each day. i wonder when will i fall ill? how will it be from next week onwards? great. 4hrs of slp but i'm not donald trump or bill gates or teo ser luck. even then they are already asleep by now.

i don't like work routine (office job) neither do i like unhealthy work routine (night shift). i like exercise/sleep routine only. but in order to achieve exercise/sleep routine you must get a routine job. it will be a bonus if i can get to go out and meet people to learn/do sports but still can have a proper exercise/sleep routine. how cool is that?

about 27 more days. yeah. soon. perharps. i don't know. time to sleep. good night all.

i'm scared but this world is like that. this society is like that. you can't get what you want. you work = better slping time or worse slping time but worse health (fatter). money won't do you all the good in the world but its goot to have money. so contradicting. seriously, i need the money but i also want my health. what should i do? and it's bad nto to accept it when i start because it will ruin friendship. so what should i do? i'm feeling uncomfortable not doing that time for almost 2 days. should i stop or not? take care xd.

5,10,11,13,14 have things on these days. but is free in the evening except on 13.
still have other dates to confirm.

money or life or social life or friendship or running or swim or my leg or materialism or?

good night all. happy working tmr to all my poly classmates.

i think i must get rid of something before it becomes a habit or part of me. it's a routine to me now. must stop before it gets deeper and deeper and i can't handle it well.

not emo-ing. just read kw's, evon's, xd's, grace's, ying jia's blog and started thinking...

all of us are struggling with ourselves.
we know what is right and wrong by nature and/or conscience.
what sets us apart are our environment and priorities.
this will reflect on how we act and/or think.
what we choose to see also affects our action and/or thinking
who are we to judge without knowing.

insecurities/inferiority/superiority.
i think that's why we all appear different in front of different group of people. this is not what we all want.
all of us just want to be happy.
perhaps this is why people coming together to form an interest group (cca) get along better despite their differences.

this world is so interesting. this is life. it's what my mum said. i still don't know what's on my mum's mind. she's simple yet complex. so cool. and a good wife too (that makes her family too lazy because she's the pillar of the family).

well, maybe we can't be happy all the time so that we can 'experience' life.
unless you're happy and ignorant at the same time then that's different. eg. baby
when you are happy and not ignorant, you are actually 'enjoying and experiencing' life.

oh yes, i realised i seldom blog about my sec school friends/stuff. meet up soon (after i've got enough money to spend). :)

there's something wrong with my eyes. i don't want to wear spectacles/contact lenses. my right eye lid keep twinking since i woke up. this is the first time i'm experiencing it since eons. my left knee is starting to hurt. weird.

i saw rachel tan on SMRT 190 just now at about 7+pm. ah, it's like finally after 4 years i saw her in person again. well, i think she is going to cck and if i alighted at the same stop, i might help her find the right direction so she won't get lost. she's more beautiful(nice tan) and sweet in real than in picture. she's wearing a black long sleeve top, blue denim skirt with white shoes(i can't remember the footwear already) and have got the same bag as jy/jo. i think she's holding a nokia phone but don't know what model, it's white in colour. should i go see stingrays play in toa payoh hall then i can also get to see zhang tingjun in real too? wow. so cool. girls who exercise are so attractive.


oh yes, i saw cookie monster running alone today. he's like so determined or loner la.. sad. i also saw a matured lady with red specs and make up, she attracted me at first. but i realised that she's average looking only. i think its because she looks intellectual and can take care of me. that's why. but i like her nike shoes! it's so nice! i don't know why girls clothes/footwear always nicer looking with the right design and combination colours. guys shoes sucks except for the asics 2130 and kayano 14. i like that metallic red and silver colour. sexy.

then again, any boy or girl look attractive/pretty/handsome to me at first, but after awhile they look average and that includes jessica alba or felicia chin or joanne peh or fiona xie or paris hilton or anyone else in the world. i think it's the personality that make that but i do not believe in some stuff such as making promises with the word 'forever'. i'm scared of commitments and i don't believe in forever. maybe 1 out of 10,000 couples can make it. do your probability and you know it won't be me.


i alighted at the bus stop opposite far east plaza to go borders to visit puay tze & pei shan(but i couldn't see her there). i planned to sit down at the bench to read 'the power of purpose' by peter s. tenes or 'tuesday with morrie' by mitch albom. as expected, it's so crowded everywhere so i went back to royal sporting house to peep at that cute female staff there.


i've signed up for the 5km passion run already. the staff is so helpful! but then i forgotten to take back my change. ah, i could have feast on one mcdonald meal. sad. well, i've treat it as shoes consultation fees. i've got low arch and neutral gait but that guy say i'll slightly overpronate if i go for long runs. he's sexy. woohoo. never buy shoes without tryin them, i'll forever remember it.

What's Your True Color?

My Result: Brown

You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=colorogt&c=50652

http://www.bmezine.com/news/pubring/20050401.html

i can't do that for love's sake.

'Tom Cruise’s wife, Katie Holmes, drew a huge cheer as she crossed the line amongst thousands of less famous fellow participants in 5hrs 29mins 58sec, according to a fan blog.'

ok, this is bad because i run slower than katie holmes. wow. i didn't know celebrity can be fitter than me. sigh. ian armstrong of 2hrs 40+mins is acceptable because he cycles(which makes u efficient in adopting the proper running method) and is a cancer survivor.

why care about others when they don't care about themselves? like what sawyer said in LOST. every man for himself. that's so true. forget about everyone else. that's why i admire osama bin laden at times. he's doing good to the world. i'll try to go to sleep again. f.

they say money is not everything, but you have to admit that it is fucking important. 7.5/10 is how much i'm giving it. everything you do is related to money even sitting here typing this shit right now. how fucking important...

i'm just wondering what if a man doesn't change?
is it a valid reason that he worked so hard for the past few years and that now its his 'down period', we should endure whatever he is going through. what if that goes on forever? wouldn't we be wasted? why does his partner who thinks they she is always right isn't contributing to all this too? though i have to admit she suffered the most and helping in the physical aspect, but she is not helping in the mental aspect.

if it's so i rather be consistant throughout my entire life and not cause anyone trouble even if i don't get to enjoy all the luxuries in life. what is the point of enjoy all those luxuries when you don't know how to appreciate it? isn't that wasted? why must our lives revolve around others? why is it so difficult to help others? i can't be a social worker. i wonder how it feels to be a gigolo. does he feel loved yet satisfied? will he lose himself because of money? or will he realised that he is actually sexually active by nature but there is still emotional attachment.

well. i guess no one will really bother reading chunks and chunks of words that i wrote. well, i have to admit that though this blog is for me but i welcome all opinions and suggestions.

a man with no dreams or hope is as good as dead. hopes and dreams keeps us alive. i think that is the most basic 'thing'/
even though they are hopefully and dreamy, they should take actions working towards it if not it is of no use. i respect people who step up and work towards it as it is not easy.

we all know that being superficial isn't a very good thing, but why are we still doing that? society... norms.... i really respect those who do not follow the traditions. they are deemed disrespectful. but to me, they are being very strong because they will know what are the consequences to bear that will leave them distraught. what about being creative? why does the government emphasize on creativity then especialy in entreprenuership/academics/work.

i'm getting hungry again. time to sleep but i'm overexhausted now. if this continues, i think i will need to live alone.