i did something stupid today that i shouldn't do so i can have a 4.5days for myself, now i'm left with 2.

i can feel that things are not going right. got this feeling that something will happen one day.

i know i'm not as the same as my old self before i turn 15

i think i'm worse than my old self when i was 18

it is very tiring, i can't really fend for myself. i'm too soft hearted. but if i find out it isn't what i heard at first, i will not trust that person anymore.

i'm scared of the consequences that i will have to bear in the process.

i'm still protraying what people want me to be.

i didn't take my pills tonight.

good night.

i'm freaking bored. i have no plans i don;t know what to do. might be going out later. hopefully. i dont know whats going on. freaking me out or maybe not. cure me out of my boredom. this change is i-dont-know-what-is-happening. i'm not pleading for anyone or want attention (which i do in the past when i blog). this is it. well, i can't feel . ok, gotta stop. needa do soemthing and get out of the cycle. its getting worse and worse. i cant stop. i really do. ok, stop. stop. break otu. bye.

gotta fight the devil and not him defeat me. hopefully.

gwen stefani, kate beckinsale motivates me for now.

cast away all the evil temptations.

this week have been a rough patch.

endure and fight away all evil thoughts my friend.

happy for yj.

take care of ur leg evon, don't end up like me. touchwood.

hope you take care of your health jiayi.

hope u're happy kw and cw. way to go.

hope you won't get depressed xd. depression is scary. its a vicious cycle. i know it's difficult to get out. i'm feeling the same way too. wonder if both of us are the same now. its difficult for peopel to trust me i feel. its very confusing, and u can only talk to one, one whom is a stranger but u trust and believe that person is good. its difficult to tell ur friends because u cant feel the say even though u know they wont discriminate u.

elfie, wk, grace kwan, jo, agnes,sj hope doing well whatever u're doing.

ok, i'm not feeling sincere now. shall stop typing bye.

2/6 pple i know i've been less or never think much or meet up. but still hope all of u are well thoguh i feel distant but i sincerely do though i dont know much of all ur personal life already. take care.

may god bless me and all. (though i never pray, its wrong but i don't know. there's no motivation, forgive me)

i can't do anything but regret not going out much to orchard these two weeks. perhaps i'd have the 0.1% chance to see phoon yc in person. maybe she's one of the people in the crowd i've passed by but didn't notice. not that i know her well or in person or anything but by just reading her blog, i feel she's a nice person. ok, she's nice. i don't care what u think.

i've stop and try to stop emoing. i really do. i feel a change, real change, like perhaps i've matured abit more and willing to change. there's just this weird feeling that i've never felt before. i didn't even know what i was doing, really numb. i can't even figure out for a moment why i gave up my seat. i didn't feel anything. is this the feeling of being numb? i can't feel anymore. the conversation with mum yesterday was enlightening but am i not feeling anything? i can't even feel anything even though i'm thinking of phoon now.

the only thing i can feel is the frustration towards my sister just now. how i want her to change and learn. i'm not even doing it , how can i demand her to do so. how funny.
on a happy note, i've bought my casual outing shoes.

god blesss all.

it's so frustrating to not know my condition fully if it's a tear, partial tear or strain. how long should i wait before i can continue my regime. i don't know if i can fully recover or regain full strength.i really don't want it to end up like my knee or ankle. wonder why must i get injured everytime i graduated from an institution. it really sucks. now my eyes might have a little problem too, i'm not sure. seriously, i don't even know or know the reason why for what i do in almost everything. i'm not even emo-ing as i type this. is this called self pity or something? or just numb or i'm already psychotic. going for some retail therapy later, hopefully it can help me liven my mode. being happy helps to speed up recovery. i erally dont know how kaka can get back and become so famous after he injured his spine when he was 18. at least he have a proper rehab program. full of admirations. perhaps he's the special one. let me get out of this vicious cycle.

god bless all.

i just read the first 4 pages of last friday new paper. i don't really think think the teacher is in the wrong. call me horny or whatever you say. civilisation/society seems like a false statement. what is right or wrong? why being topless is a wrong thing? how can we really learn if we're not exposed to it?

oh, we were never ourself once we enter this world. our thoughts/visions are already formed once we are in any country/tribes. oh how fun.... f.

hope i can slp later. it's past 11pm. f.
night.

hahahahha. this is so cool. good. happy. i wish both of u can see me smiling now... it's weird how i can get so high after reading blog la.

shi jun is cool too. anyone is cool.


but, phoon yue chin is the coolest though. she's so pretty and sexy and smart and artistic and everything that u can think of.

go read http://blackjetta.blogspot.com

high. but hopefully, i can get to sleep at night later. one of my classmate got presribed sleeping pills... if i know i should have seen him today. they said he's so nice today. wow. miracle. thank god i survive today. way to go jiawang, u're coming out very soon.

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNaJOWp-R2qhywvdJpXJNk3dBmeseJyIEzQIWX4AlK6ww2ZJmL0QiYcdMZ3Hu1n9WSgjsjWcl7d8alVz2N2FVa37zSxWoJdrEZ8BN1BIM2npumScP2zHOV4pq9akVK4IkMzyKY/s1600-h/enough.jpg

and maybe i might feel this if i let it go...

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiwXUdaH9USZUpucdByj2Ci7uzs_R-7om4nCETEufcUIYJAxXzSsY0oZtDjQhIIdeqpHXqh2JCMePwniabZcIX6GsMAaFEmkUuBeBCHSIUArasXqtuA_JDZWnH7RjghqbmxYD6/s1600-h/direction.jpg

i feel like just letting it go and be a kid for once. can i?

how many of us can be what is being protrayed in the media?
perhaps i should totally avoid media like how the np lecturer desmond wee does. oh so confusing.

is it a kind of diesease when you are so tired yet you jsut can't sleep because u think of stuff almost every day?

ok, good night world.

http://sports.yahoo.com/top/news?slug=ap-sprintershot&prov=ap&type=lgns

this article taught me something.

i just realised something.

i think....due to my insecurity, i tend (if not always) to fuck everything up even though that person cares for me. but i don't really know hwo to diffenrentiate who really care. and if he/she cares, then i should care for them too. but it's always them who sacriface (or maybe not). i dunno.

so much for wanting perfection which is more than i can handle. why can i just believe. i'm losing motivation. tired. can some rich pretty girl(or at least can cultivate emotional attachment) rape me and own me. wtf. i'm laughing at myself now.
hope it doesn't rain today though weather reprot says it will in the late afternoon and evening.

when i go back to sch to swim these 2 weeks, i see students studying/doing projects at the atrium. i wonder how many of them can be successful. maybe 1/10 of them? for the rest, i just hope they will go on and do their thing happily.

there's so many different kind of living organisms in this world. it's so confusing. god bless all.

i wonder what is wrong with being inked. i don't really see it as a big deal. why do people stereotype. why do i think everything is seriously ok or i can't really be bothered? something i haven't really figure out. i thought i'm always weird since i was young.

screwed up.

there's this sec two girl (i think) i see on the bus everyday. she look more developed than the rest and she's not like very sexy. her face is puffed up, her eyes are swollen every morning and the way she sleeps is kinda cute. looks like she didn't shower(not to say i know everything about her) but well heck, cos i don't shower in the morning since i entered the army.

maybe cos she's listening to mp3 everyday, carries a crumpler. maybe cos she's the few person i see that smile and being more active in the bus though she sleep most of the time. her actions are very exagerrated and cute.

i wish i'd try those young and dangerous stuff. wonder how it feels to be more rebellious. perhaps i can learn more from it rather than being a good ol' boy. being hardworking is not enough cos it only drains your energy away.

everyone is so sleepy and tired on the bus everyday, i think they practically drag themselves to work/school everyday. civilisation? it's like going against what we want. going against nature. trying to achieve so much when we can't and screw ourselves up.

there's this new girl i saw on the bus yesterday too. she looks like a malay when i was so close to her while letting her board the bus first, only to realise that she's the chinese girl who attracted my attention the day before. she's not very tall, but she wears a green adidas watch. wonder if i can get to know her better. maybe she might be my motivation to go camp in the early morning for the rest of the course if i see her frequently. using lust as a motivation. wonder how long can it last.

not a very good weather today, i'm beginning to dislike rain.

honestly, i can't be bothered because this are my 'past' feeling for yesterday. i'm writing it down to attract attention, love, concern. or i'm like a phildophile if it makes you happy. i'm not willing to tell anyone anything yet. so wtf. i'm talking to the computer. ok, i dunno what i'm really talkign now. bye.

on my way to from far east plaza to hong lim park today, i overheard the conversation of two sisters sitting behind me talking about their mum who is sick and alone at home. shortly after, their mum called. she didn't take her meals, was sick since friday, etc. they didn't know if she went to see the doctor, etc, etc, i guess they were busy with their lives....BUT

one of them was on her way to meet her boyfriend(marcus), decided to go back home to keep her company. it's so sweet of her. it's a good virtue. she called her boyfriend to inform him about her decision and he told her he was also going to visit his grandma later in the evening too. i don't know if they met up eventually at vivo but i was thinking it will be so damn sweet if the bf go her house and accompany this girl and her mum... but well, he's got something else to do (probably he's in the SAF). i think she also know that i'm like observing her but i jsut wanted to tell her that she's nice... hahahaha.

ok, i'm losing the plot now. the strong feeling of wanting to blog this thought is lost. anyway, the gist is ... their conversation woke up me. i realised wanting to get out of this country is kind of a selfish thought. my parents need me to be here. their unconditional love is something i can't ever pay back and yet to learn. but being here for them is the least i can do. it's something i still have to learn. well, i don't know if i can do it in the end....

i also hope the girl and marcus will spend their lives together forever and continue to be filial.
PS: the sihoulette of this girl from outside the bus is attractive. Then again, most girls look attractive to me nowadays or sexy if they wearing like less clothing

i almost wanted to tell the indian guy beside me in the bus happy deepavali just now but i didn't. his baby daughter is so cute... i thought it will be fun and it somehow made me smile when i saw how all the indians are talking and smiling to each other in 960.


after dismantling my three umbro soccer boots, i realised all the soccer boots do not have real cushion. all they have is insoles, some wooden thing(which has another additional layer at the heel), a stick-on netting to act as the second layer of glue, and small rubber pieces sticked on middle part of the feet. the heel counter is always made up of sponge(1st layer) and (cupboard liek thingy). you will see how much material is missing but sitching and glueing the whole boots is not easy.

ok, i sound like a noob here describing all these thing. but please do not keep soccer boots after the mouth is open. small tiny living organisms are living crawling the wooden parts! how cool is that. so fascinating. it's real. try to open your branded shoes if you decide to throw them away (trust me it's very interesting) or you can donate to me!

happy belated chin wei, happy deepavali all.

ok, gotta shower and FO my assignments due at 12AM before i feel f-ed up again.

i always have regrets.

at this moment, i cant wait to quit this organisation i'm work for.

happy birthday felicia chin! :D

may everyone be blessed with happiness.

i wonder if there's such thing as female raping male?

i think i wanna meet siewping and yue chin and blinkymummy.

think that arm_ will help to change me , but i get more confused than ever. i'm not sure if its arm_ that make me miss m_ friends (fake illusion), or i reall_ do care for friends now (real). but part of me/heart tells me i do reall_ care, juz that i don't know how to express it. wonder if an_one felt the difference.

feels like life is restarting now, onl_ that i'm 20. got to learn about lots of basic humane stuff again because i've lost it since man_ _ears ago doing something i didn't know that i'll want to pursue now that won't probabl_ happen.
dreams, realit_.

if i've got a chance to have an hour with:
mother theresa,
paolo maldini(faithful longest serving pla_er in the same club),
robbie fowler (m_ fav pla_er who isn't doing well now),
kaka(injured his spine at 18 and now is a world famous pla_er),
gwen stefani (faithful respectable lad_ who is so forgiving and have her own st_le) ,
louis koo(criminal turn actor),

ok, crap, i don't know do i reall_ respect e most in this world. ma_be m_ parents? how ironic.

what is more important? all jumbled up. mone_, appearance, character, personalit_, mental, ph_sical, happiness.......,

faith. god bless all.

i wish i can run with joanne peh in today's nike human race.

how far would you go to pursue that?

are you ready to sacrifice and faces the consequences?

are you ready to be on your own if no one understands why you are doing that?

are you ready to fail?

are you ready to presevere right to the end?

are you ready to welcome the new you/future?]

are you willing to give it a try?

i don't really see the need to keep ranting off to the computer after 6 years because it doesnt help.

tired but i just don't know why i'm 'forcing' myself not to sleep since i don't know what i can do at home tmr. i so want to sleep now, i wish i can but things just can't get the fact that i know i'll be wasting my day again and again. i'm not exactly thinking deep, it's been like that subconsciously that i can't control myself. not welcoming this week. to all, please take care of yourself esp with such erratic weather. the world is coming to an end (soon).

just when i thought i was getting better, i got more confused and despondent than ever. i'm just as lousy, lazy, uninitiated as what my uncle, attachement supervisor said. even if i enter the army and get the best cadet award, i still do not know what i want in life. what use do i have? i realised that even i do so much work throughout the night, i'm not sure if it's right. if it's wrong i'm screwed. when i ask before i start everything, i'm told not necessary to know every detail. i'm slow. i've been always less efficient doing double job. so when i shut up, i'm told to ask till i'm sure. yes, i'm afraid to get scolded when i ask every single thing that is deemed as stupid because i do not use my common sense.

ok, i don't know what i'm getting to now. break the rules now? and when i enter army, i'll have to go all over again to discipline myself to listen to instructions and not to question the officer?

end of the day, an obedient child do suffer but it's when they are older. am i right or wrong?

go ahead and laugh at me because i'm that pathetic. i think my life revolves making people feel happier by scolding/lecturing me. good morning world. time to conk off and die.

john arne riise scored an own goal during the last SECOND before the whistle was blown. unbelievable. quite sad. but then that is life. hopefully liverpool will go through by penalties.

i think i wanna add another resolution: go to anfield and attend a CL semi-final.
this will be a life-long dream that will cost few thousand dollars.

god bless all. hope you are sleeping well tonight and not rolling on the bed now.

i like joanne peh's music taste although i don't understand the song but it's so soothing and makes me wanna dance! so sexy! i'm fantasizing of dancing with joanne peh now. like joanne peh is fann wong and i'm the male dancer in the movie. hahahaha. thank you grace tan for pasting her blog address to me. i know i shouldn't be so happy because someone is not feeling very good now. but still, ya. cheer up. actually, i'm feeling tired the whole day. the music makes me wanna slp too. i shall stop here.

PS: nothing much. just wanna say i finally did my first 2 sets of 15 crunches, sit ups and 'cycling' today since 3 weeks ago. glad but unmotivated. i hope i do get back my motivation to do a 10km before i enter army. its demoralising know i getting weaker day by day.

today i saw the biggest ant in my entire life which is half the lenght of my left index finger in the middle of the night.

it's raining tonight yet again. very good to sleep. i want to get to bed right now but it's just this bad habit of 'forcing' myself not to sleep. bad i know but i just like it until one day the doc say my ankle didn't recover well because of lack of sleep or if my life is shortened then i'll be very afraid.

i like the smell of the rain at times when i'm listening to the right music(a1, bsb, s club 7, westlife, m2m, nsync, etc, etc,) to go back in time or just fill my mind with sweet memories from the past.

have a good night sleep, my friends.

auf wiedersehen, und gute nacht

i would seriously want to watch the following matches:

liverpool vs chelsea (home and away matches)
man utd vs chelsea [i don't really care who win though]
barcelona vs man utd (home and away matches)
champions league final (hopefully liverpool vs barcelona)

anyway, i think chelsea goal was purely coincidental. oh yes, it's started to rain now, a good time to sleep. raining reminds me of step up 2. oh so hot the dancers (read: females). moose is kinda cute. i really like how he dance. sexy! he's only 16(real age) and he got to kiss someone 9years older than him! how lucky. just sad i don't have any dancing or acting genes. they're so multi-talented especially cassie ventura. sing,dance,act. really cool. i can only dream of it.

as i'm listening to eileen blog's song right now, i think love is the most bankable thing on earth. does anyone agree?

btw, i think the song is very nice and clear(ok, because it's a female singing). but it is too much for some screwy like me to handle. i'm going to check her out now.

i don't know why i keep wanting to prove myself. opinion from others really matter to me that much? i'm starting to lose my online friends one by one. those whom i've been very close too. i'm in such a bloody mess. ok, going out to meet sec sch friends now. they will help me pull through the day though i don't really want to miss watching joanne peh. i'm such a slut. i can do anything if joanne peh , felicia chin wants me but that won't happen. crazy boy.

reading blinkmummy's blog makes me feel like she's so *thumbs up* while i'm someone whom knows so little about this world. her entries always 'enlighten' me.

i'm addicted to taylor swift's teardrop on my guitar. slow i know. but yes. enjoy.



she's one year younger than me. wow. it's different when you've got talent.

i hate myself for slping at 4++am nowadays even though i know that it will lengthen the recovery time for my injury. i seriously don't know why the fuck do i like to go against myself. i know that i can slping early and waking up early makes me feel very bored but i can go take a swim/tan in the school's pool rather than wasting my life typing stupid entries that doesn't make sense. i bet msot people will look at the picture(esp guys) rather than reading my entries. most people will just glance through it. therefore i put a picture of adriana lima.

i seriously think i'm one screwed up person too. i don't think she's really pretty. jessica alba thighs are too big. nothing is perfect. there's nothing i like no matter how pretty they are. crazy. i even have thoughts of stop exercising and just grow fat and rot and just wish that someday someone will appreciate me for who i am. this is screwed because i don't even feel for jessica alba/adriana lima (one of the world's most beautiful ladies). ok, i really need to go. i think i can't see properly and my eyes hurts badly. i think god might be punishing me because i might have to wear specs/contacts(which i dislike).

what do you define as pure/virgin(sexually)?

i was reading hollywoodtuna when i saw rachel bilson on GQ magazine. so i went to GQ official website after grace when offline yesterday night and saw adriana lima (the supermodel) on their april cover page. since i'm a guy, i went to see the other photos. she's posing nude for them.


taken from GQ magazine official site.

to be honest, i was turned on, wished i'm her husband, etc, etc. but after awhile i was back to normal and i thought of joanne peh in the new channal 8 drama series. yes, i still think of joanne peh though adriana lima have a hotter body (exclaimed by the world).

supermodel are just doing their job, they have to be totally uncovered and male coworkers get to see her entire body. yes, i'm very very jealous! i'll go nude too if i get to see her nude... BUT in this case, are supermodel considered dirty? there is no sexual intention.

in the show, joanne peh sold her body to send her younger sister to study hairstyling in UK. there is no sexual intention too.

in both situations, they both have a choice(we always do) as most will argue. perhaps adriana lima love her body and view it as an expression of love for her body. what about joanne peh? she might feel very dirty as seen in the show, something that will be in her memory till she dies. now we shall look at edison. was the scandal his fault? i don't think so. he didn't want this to happen IMO. even if he's mentally sick or it is an addiction to him, i don't think it is his fault.

look at america... paris hilton. i adore her at times though she can be very arrogant. she's doing well? what about vanessa hudgens(the hairspray movie actress)?

we all have different perspective of pure/innocent/virginity/dirty/filthy, etc.

what if one day you realised that your other half has been hiding this secret from you what will you do?

what if you tell your other half this secret and he/she can't accept it? what would you do?

it is good to know everything, sex, studies, life, travelling, work, finance, property, love, etc. etc. but how do they change your perspective?

oh yes, i want to comment on the 7pm channel 8 series, life made simple aka 'ah wang xin zuan". i find that it's unrealistic. yes, ok i admit that i'm biased towards him because i cant stand his retardation. yes, he is genuine, kind, lovely, etc but he doesn't bring back money. how do you survive in the urban area(city) without money? it's too unrealistic. i don't believe that his love will surpass this factor because everyone in this world wants a good life(love and materialism) not taking care of a retard.

ok, i can't get to sleep now. this sucks. i'm going to stuck tissue up my right nose now because i didn't listen to my body when i've got symptoms showing the past few mornings. i feel like plucking my hair again. i guess i'll really need to go get waxed pretty soon. there will be consequences if i get waxed too. firstly, someone will see me nude too. so am i considered dirty because my other half is the first to see me nude? secondly, i won't want a male to see me nude because it's so gay but i'll be embarrassed if it's a female. or they only have male staff for male waxing? dilemma.

anyway, does anyone know if singapore still sell motorola slvr L72(that came out last june)? how much does it cost and if it is good to use? ok, this entry is so incoherent... i'll go and lie down on the sofa now before my eyes starts to hurt very badly again.

i saw this at the bus stop outside NUH today.

i'm feeling like... i'm on my own again at this moment.

i learnt a new word: inconsolable. :)

i think i'm getting use to this lifestyle slowly. need more time management/social skills to improve, cannot stay inside this comfort zone or else i'll become someone whom i somehow promise myself not to become in future. the feeling and point of view is totally different when you're in this 'experiment' from that of the feeling and point of view of those who are not involved. i was screw loosed yesterday, went to buy a pair of socks for $16.90. laugh at me. hohoho.

god, please let my leg recover fully by this month...

seems like i reach home later and later each day. i wonder when will i fall ill? how will it be from next week onwards? great. 4hrs of slp but i'm not donald trump or bill gates or teo ser luck. even then they are already asleep by now.

i don't like work routine (office job) neither do i like unhealthy work routine (night shift). i like exercise/sleep routine only. but in order to achieve exercise/sleep routine you must get a routine job. it will be a bonus if i can get to go out and meet people to learn/do sports but still can have a proper exercise/sleep routine. how cool is that?

about 27 more days. yeah. soon. perharps. i don't know. time to sleep. good night all.

i'm scared but this world is like that. this society is like that. you can't get what you want. you work = better slping time or worse slping time but worse health (fatter). money won't do you all the good in the world but its goot to have money. so contradicting. seriously, i need the money but i also want my health. what should i do? and it's bad nto to accept it when i start because it will ruin friendship. so what should i do? i'm feeling uncomfortable not doing that time for almost 2 days. should i stop or not? take care xd.

5,10,11,13,14 have things on these days. but is free in the evening except on 13.
still have other dates to confirm.

money or life or social life or friendship or running or swim or my leg or materialism or?

good night all. happy working tmr to all my poly classmates.

i think i must get rid of something before it becomes a habit or part of me. it's a routine to me now. must stop before it gets deeper and deeper and i can't handle it well.

not emo-ing. just read kw's, evon's, xd's, grace's, ying jia's blog and started thinking...

all of us are struggling with ourselves.
we know what is right and wrong by nature and/or conscience.
what sets us apart are our environment and priorities.
this will reflect on how we act and/or think.
what we choose to see also affects our action and/or thinking
who are we to judge without knowing.

insecurities/inferiority/superiority.
i think that's why we all appear different in front of different group of people. this is not what we all want.
all of us just want to be happy.
perhaps this is why people coming together to form an interest group (cca) get along better despite their differences.

this world is so interesting. this is life. it's what my mum said. i still don't know what's on my mum's mind. she's simple yet complex. so cool. and a good wife too (that makes her family too lazy because she's the pillar of the family).

well, maybe we can't be happy all the time so that we can 'experience' life.
unless you're happy and ignorant at the same time then that's different. eg. baby
when you are happy and not ignorant, you are actually 'enjoying and experiencing' life.

oh yes, i realised i seldom blog about my sec school friends/stuff. meet up soon (after i've got enough money to spend). :)

there's something wrong with my eyes. i don't want to wear spectacles/contact lenses. my right eye lid keep twinking since i woke up. this is the first time i'm experiencing it since eons. my left knee is starting to hurt. weird.

i saw rachel tan on SMRT 190 just now at about 7+pm. ah, it's like finally after 4 years i saw her in person again. well, i think she is going to cck and if i alighted at the same stop, i might help her find the right direction so she won't get lost. she's more beautiful(nice tan) and sweet in real than in picture. she's wearing a black long sleeve top, blue denim skirt with white shoes(i can't remember the footwear already) and have got the same bag as jy/jo. i think she's holding a nokia phone but don't know what model, it's white in colour. should i go see stingrays play in toa payoh hall then i can also get to see zhang tingjun in real too? wow. so cool. girls who exercise are so attractive.


oh yes, i saw cookie monster running alone today. he's like so determined or loner la.. sad. i also saw a matured lady with red specs and make up, she attracted me at first. but i realised that she's average looking only. i think its because she looks intellectual and can take care of me. that's why. but i like her nike shoes! it's so nice! i don't know why girls clothes/footwear always nicer looking with the right design and combination colours. guys shoes sucks except for the asics 2130 and kayano 14. i like that metallic red and silver colour. sexy.

then again, any boy or girl look attractive/pretty/handsome to me at first, but after awhile they look average and that includes jessica alba or felicia chin or joanne peh or fiona xie or paris hilton or anyone else in the world. i think it's the personality that make that but i do not believe in some stuff such as making promises with the word 'forever'. i'm scared of commitments and i don't believe in forever. maybe 1 out of 10,000 couples can make it. do your probability and you know it won't be me.


i alighted at the bus stop opposite far east plaza to go borders to visit puay tze & pei shan(but i couldn't see her there). i planned to sit down at the bench to read 'the power of purpose' by peter s. tenes or 'tuesday with morrie' by mitch albom. as expected, it's so crowded everywhere so i went back to royal sporting house to peep at that cute female staff there.


i've signed up for the 5km passion run already. the staff is so helpful! but then i forgotten to take back my change. ah, i could have feast on one mcdonald meal. sad. well, i've treat it as shoes consultation fees. i've got low arch and neutral gait but that guy say i'll slightly overpronate if i go for long runs. he's sexy. woohoo. never buy shoes without tryin them, i'll forever remember it.

What's Your True Color?

My Result: Brown

You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=colorogt&c=50652

http://www.bmezine.com/news/pubring/20050401.html

i can't do that for love's sake.

'Tom Cruise’s wife, Katie Holmes, drew a huge cheer as she crossed the line amongst thousands of less famous fellow participants in 5hrs 29mins 58sec, according to a fan blog.'

ok, this is bad because i run slower than katie holmes. wow. i didn't know celebrity can be fitter than me. sigh. ian armstrong of 2hrs 40+mins is acceptable because he cycles(which makes u efficient in adopting the proper running method) and is a cancer survivor.

why care about others when they don't care about themselves? like what sawyer said in LOST. every man for himself. that's so true. forget about everyone else. that's why i admire osama bin laden at times. he's doing good to the world. i'll try to go to sleep again. f.

they say money is not everything, but you have to admit that it is fucking important. 7.5/10 is how much i'm giving it. everything you do is related to money even sitting here typing this shit right now. how fucking important...

i'm just wondering what if a man doesn't change?
is it a valid reason that he worked so hard for the past few years and that now its his 'down period', we should endure whatever he is going through. what if that goes on forever? wouldn't we be wasted? why does his partner who thinks they she is always right isn't contributing to all this too? though i have to admit she suffered the most and helping in the physical aspect, but she is not helping in the mental aspect.

if it's so i rather be consistant throughout my entire life and not cause anyone trouble even if i don't get to enjoy all the luxuries in life. what is the point of enjoy all those luxuries when you don't know how to appreciate it? isn't that wasted? why must our lives revolve around others? why is it so difficult to help others? i can't be a social worker. i wonder how it feels to be a gigolo. does he feel loved yet satisfied? will he lose himself because of money? or will he realised that he is actually sexually active by nature but there is still emotional attachment.

well. i guess no one will really bother reading chunks and chunks of words that i wrote. well, i have to admit that though this blog is for me but i welcome all opinions and suggestions.

a man with no dreams or hope is as good as dead. hopes and dreams keeps us alive. i think that is the most basic 'thing'/
even though they are hopefully and dreamy, they should take actions working towards it if not it is of no use. i respect people who step up and work towards it as it is not easy.

we all know that being superficial isn't a very good thing, but why are we still doing that? society... norms.... i really respect those who do not follow the traditions. they are deemed disrespectful. but to me, they are being very strong because they will know what are the consequences to bear that will leave them distraught. what about being creative? why does the government emphasize on creativity then especialy in entreprenuership/academics/work.

i'm getting hungry again. time to sleep but i'm overexhausted now. if this continues, i think i will need to live alone.

because i chose to screw myself up, so am i. no one forced me to. i have to find my own solution to clear up this mess and start anew if not i will always be stucked in this vicious cycle. i must be willing to learn and curb my over-enthusiasm especially when i want to achieve something with immediate effect knowing that it will not happen. over-enthusiasm kills, slow and steady is the way to win the race. i am not a product of a screwed up family, it is just some other obstacle that doesn't break me but make me stronger than ever. i should never entertain the thoughts of evil, it should not even came to me naturally. that is sin. i must learn how to love my body. i must learn how to love,respect and accept myself before others can love me. no one is perfect.

god, please help me especially the recovery of my ankle. thank you. god bless all.
happy belated bday sj.

i don't understand why arts and social sciences and profect & facilities management are one of the most sought after courses in uni! now i feel kind of gone case.

regretted not studying harder for the 5th semester and gave up SAM. it's so near yet so far. now it's time to move on and achieve something different. 4-5months of training for the effort to be paid off. will be starting once i recover. hope i can presevere. god bless all.

felicia chin rocks my socks. stargirl.

I was quiet as a mouse
When I snuck into your house
And took roofies with your spouse
In a nit, and out a louse

And lice are lousy all the time
They suck your blood drink your wine
Say "Shut up and quit your crying
Give it time and you'll be fine,"

You're so nice and you're so smart
You're such a good friend, I have to break your heart
Tell you that I love you then I'll tear your world apart
Just pretend I didn't tear your world apart

I like boys with strong convictions
And convicts with perfect diction
Underdogs with good intentions
Amputees with stamp collections
Plywood skinboards ride the ocean
Salty noses, suntan lotion
Always seriously joking
And rambunctiously soft-spoken

I like boys that like their mothers
And I have a thing for brothers
But they always wait till we're under the covers
To say "I'm sure glad we're not lovers,"

You're so nice and you're so smart
You're such a good friend, I have to break your heart
Tell you that I love you then I'll tear your world apart
Just pretend I didn't tear your world apart

I like my new bunny suit
I like my new bunny suit
I like my new bunny suit
When I wear it, I feel cute


ohhhh. ellen page is so pretty. 21 february. pisces. older than me. rich.

Lesson learnt: Go to Running Lab @ Funan IT mall before buying the shoes. They will help you see what kind of feet and biomechanics you have before recommending the right shoes for you although it's a tad slightly more expensive. It will benefit you in the long run by keeping you more injury-free especially when you do long distance training. If you are thick skin enough, you just go there to have your feet tested on the threadmill and then get advice from them before going to queensway to get the shoes.

brand new Asics 1130(Mens) is for sale.
US size 8; EURO 41.5, 26CM (regular fit)
Colour: White/Platinum/Chili Pepper.
It's an entry level shoes for runners with
slightly more than normal pronation with normal arch feet.
It's slightly too small for me. Hence, i've decided to sell it off when i collected it 3 days ago.
It's going off for $135. Price is negotiable.

More information at this website.

i don't know why all the bad things happen all at one time. when it's bored, it's really bored that i feel like crap. when i'm busy, i'm so so busy that i'll have to reject some other activities. i wonder why is that so.

don't know if i should take up relief teaching? i can't teach for nuts, forgotten all my e.maths in sec sch. i don't really want to see pri sch kids.

injury + hungry + lost + feeling bad = v moody

i don't know if i look forward to tomorrow and this coming monday.

cropped off nikewomen.com.sg

very nice right?! you get sponsored a free sport trial session. there's like almost ten different sports for you to choose from. what's better is a healthier, sexier and happier you. this is love.
so why not give it a try?
more information inside this website

I'M ONE HAPPY BOY RIGHT NOW (excluding the injury).

i dislike rain in the day.

i used the atm card for the 5th time since i got the on 20th feb. now 1/5 of my savings are gone. so cool. i knew this will happen but not so fast!

i don't know if i made the right choice. but this shoes i ordered will be the most costly one i have ever decide to buy on my own. it's cost exactly 1.6 as much as my current adidas now. wow. this better protect my knees well, not like the stupid street soccer one i've bought. crap.

i like carol in the channel 8 9pm show. she's uber cool. i wish i have such a girlfriend, so that i can show off in public but slap her at home because she's so arrogance/spoilt. but then again, i like spoilt girls in some ways. she's tall/smart/pretty/sexy. maybe even before i slap her, she already kick my balls. how cool is that? hahaha.

stupid. i can't think properly now.

i learnt not to be a hero anymore. my eyes are irritated, red and super dry. i also don't use soap to shower after every swim session. its so scary. i didn't know chlorine can do so much damage. i must hurry go buy a swimming gogle before the next swim session.

i was wondering why girls seem more matured than guys of the same age? is it because of their dressing that made them behave like a demure lady? in that case, their actions are deemed mature, but what about their thinking? then again, actions are done after the thought is processed. so it shows that they are matured?!

but maybe they don't know what they really know the rationale behind it so they just think that should be the way because that is how the society works, so they just follow. after that, even though they don't really know what is correct/wrong it is considered correct (based on society). so they are happy/satisfied with it?

but then why females can be satisfied over all the simple things yet gucci, prada can make them happy? they say it is a bonus, but every little thing counts. ah, so easy. just treat them like a princess then! but then treating them like a princess means it includes both the 'factor' mentioned.

confusing. i wonder anyone understand what i'm driving at.

i feel so empty, alone, bored yet again. played soccer in the rain yesterday. it was so much more relaxing playing with secondary school mates compared to my cousins and his friends. after that, went to his place. it was oens ago since i went his place. pratically less than 5 times since we entered poly. had dinner with him at home, it was so surreal. the familiarity, warmth and all. his parents are still the same, as friendly as before. his younger brother is like almost one head taller than me now, taking his a levels this year. it was 10 years ago when we first met, time have passed. wish that time will go back in time to 1999/2000.


although we aren't that close anymore, i still feel very comfortable telling you everything. i'm glad i stayed for dinner and told you stuff that i didn't tell anyone face to face in my entire life. i feel better now though it can't be solved anytime soon.





love,
melvin

talking to ying jia triggers some thoughts. my mum just woke up. she is so cute. fortunate to have such a mum. hope i can remember the thoughts i have at night when i blog again. laters.

crap, i just realised i couldn't spell perhaps correctly for my entire life time. this totally sucks. perharps i should go to sleep now. screwed up again. good night.

Etiquette and image consultant Teo Ser Lee, 42, feels that women who expect men to pay during dates and escort them home safely are not being archaic, but simply being real.'These are basic social graces,' she says, adding that she expects her boyfriends to open car doors for her 'even though it is faster to open them myself'.'I consider myself a modern woman. I'd fight for a contract, tooth and nail. But when it comes to relationships, I will take the submissive role and let the man wear the pants.'

Oh, so this is what a man should do? I'd become a lady then. Why are social graces being 'formulated' in such a way? I wonder who come out with such things. To me, being submissive equates to enjoyment/relaxation, that applies to sex too. So in the end, the man is in the losing end. It's so difficult to be a man. Or i'm still such a immature bastard?

i used to have a little crush on teo ser lee when i was younger because she was pretty. now think i like mr teo ser luck more, he's younger, more handsome, cool and sexy. woohoo. *slurps*




Picture ripped off blinkymummy's blog entry "Villa Bali + MP + NoNameApplicable".

please come to me soon latest by the end of this month....

the few things i learnt from the MOE seminar today..

'the world hate changes, yet it has brough us progress... ' - charles f. kettering.

interest does not equate abilities

what values do we want in our worplace?

"nothing you learnt is ever wasted, you can bring it forward to your next workplace or apply it in your life"

follow your heart

focus on your journey

do not settle for second best. go for the best. dare to dream.

i slept for almost 15 hours today and i didn't feel hungry at all. all i felt was sad, bored, lonely, useless. i wonder why. perharps its just because of yesterday. i hope it will go away soon. as i grow older, i feel more and more lonely and i'm beginning to dread it. i don't like staying at home using msn anymore neither do i like working. i think i'd rather go to school or run errands for my friends. i don't even feel like playing soccer later. hope tmr will come very soon so that i can go suntec city for the fair.

warning: verbal regurgitation.

yesterday was memorable. i think this is the first time i played soccer in the afternoon on my birthday the past 4 years. didn't keep track of the time, rushed back home then to plaza singapura to meet grace tan at 4pm. as usual, i was late and made the poor hungry girl wait about 20 mins, i'm so sorry.


initially, i felt kind of out of place when i met her , people might think she's going out with a kiddo... but i decided for quite long what to wear at home before ironing them. why i wore shorts was because i think i might have a waxing session so its easy and more comfortable. anyway, that's not the main point. i like her dressed this way, very pretty. i mean i feel so proud walking beside her. i'm sure people might think why this kiddo is with this girl. they are jealous! hahaha. i am winner! :)
digress abit... i also like evon's dressing.


then we head down to the cathay for breakfast/lunch. she bought mee sua while i bought french toast and a regular hot dog. seriously, it was difficult to decide what to eat. i'm so afraid i bought the wrong food. it's not that she won't eat it but its not her preferred choice then upset her again. i also felt bad when she went to buy mee sua but i guess it's ok for once if she wants to go and buy the food. i wanted to take a photo with her during lunch but i didn't dare. ok, i mean it can be kept as a memory even though we're not a real couple.

*yes the girl just signed in to msn. hahahaha. i am happy to finally see someone online.*

we went to check out the movies after our meal when she suggested 'ps i love you'. i'm like wow. is she serious?
i got even more serious by then and i already decided where to go for a romantic dinner but i've only heard about that place from many people, didn't know how to get there and if there's many different varities of food there.
went to the counter to check if they have this movie, but it started to screen for about almost 15 mins at 4.50pm. in my head i was thinking: 'i should have come to meet her earlier then can watch the movie together, i've missed once in a lifetime opportunity!'. in the end, she said to check out the other movies before i wanted to say: 'if you don't mind going in late , i can watch with you'.


went up to the cinema level and then 'fight' over : who should pay for ice lemon tea. i didn't know it was a plot when jiayi and evon was sitting together behaving intimately. they were like some caucasians/afghans sitting in the wrong seat! i did not take notice of them only when jiayi started laughing like a crazy girl la... so sickening! i felt so embarassed. but it's like my first time watching movie with only girls! very cool.


rachel bilson is very pretty! i read from a magazine few years ago when i was into O.C, she spent like $10,000 a year on her hair. although she is very petite, i prefer rachel bilson to misha barton. hayden christensen also damn handsome! HOT! i like his eyebrow and hairstyle. stylo milo.


after movie, we went to read blogs because i didn't know some other information and also kim wei started to .......... (sorry kim wei) before michelle came. on the way down the cathay, evon dragged me to STRIP-COED. i was like... is she serious? when i was almost so courageous to enter (secretly wanted to), she said need to make appointment. but i didn't know why i didn't figure that out at that point of time because i called them once and they told me the earliest appointment i could make was like 1 week later?!


took some pictures alone with every girl at the basement. then outside cathay, GERM took photos(i was the photographer), i have to admit i know nothing about photography. sucks at it. took some photos with them before walking towards plaza singapura alone wearing that hat. i thought it was fun because it could act as a social psychology experiment.


i so wanted to ask that rgs/rj netballer isabelle soh to wish me happy birthday but i guess she was with her boyfriend. she looks so much taller in person. its amazing how i knew she existed since 5 years ago through blogs, had a intense crush on her during sec 4 but never saw her once. wth.


managed to get a secondary school boy to wish me and another 21yrs old lady whose birthday fall on the same date and month (don't know how true is it though) to take a photo with me. woohoo! then we walked towards the park and had my birthday dinner.


i like the idea when i told xiaode that i just want it to be a simple and cheap affair when he claimed to sms the wrong person on his blog. apparantly, the presents weren't. i didn't expect two postsecret books! like perharps one postsecret, either stargirl or love, stargirl. i like all the presents very much.


i totally enjoyed the celebration, what matters most was for all of us to be happy. i know this is another transition of our life after graduation, some already know what we what, some are lost, some are worried, some had to do what they have promised, some just wished time would stop, some would.....


this year was very much different from last's year. i really appreciate it, the effort and all. i could feel it right away. i didn't talk much because i was admiring all of you that night. although i am not close with all of you and somtimes have different opinions, i'm glad to have meet all of you.






love,
melvin

PS: hmm, i feel like i'm jughead in the archie comics in this picture.

PPS: still owe G a double scoop green tea ice cream from Azabu Sabo Ice Cream Shop and rose(if she wants).

i was wondering if it is wrong to treat every single day the same? perharps it is due to the fact that i 'treasure' everyday. however some others might think that i should come out of my comfort zone and put in an effort for some occasions like b-day, v-day, christmas, anniversaries, etc. my future gf is so going to suffer.

i have alot to learn... especially how to love. i wish the lunar second month will come soon so that i can have that shoes and start to run to take things off my mind. need to learn how to use excel/access and fight with the programme for the next 2-3 months. god bless all.

thomas ong is fucking handsome with clothes on.

its not funny when you have no money. it sucks. getting married is not only just joint bank account, house, lives, overseas trip. happiness is but difficult to achieve because it will affect not only you but the people who are around you. i totally do not support the baby bonus policy that will not help in the other aspects except finance (even so, let's say its only for a max of 3 months?)

phoon yue chin is :D

it's always so bored the day before my birthday. i'm always alone. ah. now it rained, i can't go play soccer with random people. crap. wow. romantic date with grace tan tmr ah. like one day girlfriend. -.- so cool. wasting my life again or should i go queensway now to check out that asics running and lifestyle shoes. i need to start running.

i've always been dismantling all my spoilt shoes and keep those 'technologies' and soles. it is one of secret ambitions to work for nike(not sales assistant! though it won't hurt if i have to be one). imagine overseeing all the shoes technology processes, working in their headquarters(its very very big and beautiful), coming up with my own shoes (not design though) and not forgetting how the business management/strategies/marketing/branding/etc works. damn cool!

the female model for nike women looks like the same person for the nokia adveristment on msn messenger. she's really beautiful and takes my breath away when i look at her wearing nike women products. i'd agree without her, the products might not look so nice. another marketing strategy. wahahahha. :) seriously, wanting to work for nike has got nothing to do with her!

ah. if i can be like her(the male version)... how good it will be.... she's not jessica alba, but still very attractive. to me, she's probably more attractive than jessica alba right now. funny annit? i don't know what i'm thinking too.

blinkymummy is very *thumbs up*. =)))

tee shirt
swimming goggles
boxer/boxer brief
short sleeve shirt
boyzilian/legs waxing session
any edition of postsecret book
stargirl by jerry spinelli
love, stargirl by jerry spinelli
socks for street soccer/running
white asics/onitsuka tiger lifestyle shoes
tioman/phuket

chin wei is my stress buster. thinking of him is gay, but his antics is so funny!

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same

But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day

Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love, but it came too soon

And there was me and you and then we got real glued
Stay at home talking on the telephone with me
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule?

Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever

La, la, la,
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la,
We will still be friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?

Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men

Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever


this song never fails to crank me up. existed since pri sch. damn cool.

throughout the past few years, i finally feel that i was ready to give up my selfcentredness for once. but now, it's gone when i was randomly reading blogs and chanced upon it. is it worth investing emotion in it?

on the other hand, i'm wondering how can i treat my friends better when i treat my family like that? why everything come at the wrong time? it's definitely not going to be easy. maybe god wants me to learn from it and be a better person.

my mum is the greatest for her unconditional love towards her children. she's strong. i hope to follow her in future. but that means she is not treating herself well and i really hate it. i don't know what beholds in the future but i pray hard that she will be strong and healthy; i will be filial and have the capability to take care of her. that applies to my dad too. relations are getting better, but not financial.

so i don't know. i can't really get to sleep well because of fyp and my height. waking up every other hour. i'm so tired and hope i won't screw up the 3 slides for presentation later. god bless all.

i've never thought it would come so fast. i'm beginning to miss school even before i graduate. i thought i shouldn't feel this way, at least not for now. sigh. i can't really do my work now. tired.

i'm always so high when i read about sports. so cool. so pretty, so smart, so tall. :)

and i hope to reach the same level of attitude/thinking as my mum on perspectives of life and the world. it's kind of amazing talking to her for 2 hours enlightening me. i'm too worldly, academics is not everything.

wow wow wow. when i enter uni, most of the female counterparts will be younger than me. that feels weird. female seniors are so cool and sweet! wow. i think peggy soon (female winner of hey gorgeous) is a sociology undergrad. damn cool. today was a good until i paid for the shoes... oh man, school work is piling up again.

isn't she pretty?

things are on my mind and i cant get to sleep. i miss the times i chase 孫燕姿.

is it worth all the effort? what if you're like huang kaida in the golden path? everything will go down to drain even when its not your fault? is that considered your fate?

do you want to just work hard and believe that you will succeed one day without realising how itf feels to just let go of the baggage or do you just to live for the moment and learn from the mistakes you have made spurring you to greater heights in future?

work hard or work smart?

live for the moment or believe all your life?

phoon yue chin or huang kai da?

what is the right balance?

it sucks to be sick at the wrong time. i totally cannot concentrate. like living dead. eye candy was no where to be seen today. guess wont get to see her till next week. totally not contributing to my recovery.

ms excel makes me mad. i can do the calculation faster with a calculator manually. it sucks. i feel like burning the whole computer now. i wonder which idioit introduced excel. f it.

kelly just msn-ed me. it doesnt seem like she's been gone for 5 months. time flies. all of us are growing up so fast. too fast for my liking. it means that i'm graduating soon (no more schoolwork), a fresh start. but that also means i must be independent, hopefully i can get to do what i want. i just realised i wasted the last 6 years of my life. it sucks.

i so feel like i should meet phoon yue chin now as i'm reading her blog. she's so cool and smart.

i need a pair of lifestyle shoes and another pair of street soccer shoes. i want a pair of asics running shoes. no money no talk. got money talk rot. sigh.