courtesy of [photographer] evon's k750i and digi cam.

in the bust just now, all the boys were speaking chinese and i felt that we left out elfie. i didn't speak much though, that's why i could observe what's going on.

during bowling, i can see the elfie was hoping to win me. he was quite quiet and his action tells me so, i mean those 'silence' action. ah. and i was wondering, if both of us are so competitive. i wonder what will happen if both of us fall out one day? and i think i'm closer to him than any guys. ok, at least now i'm better with chin wei. but the mindset is still different. anyway, he won both round. today, i didn't bowl quite right. dunno why. felt weird, esp on my footing.

i've not started neither mes or bmf revision. i wonder how am i going to ask mr. soo qns during lecture tomorrow though i doubt no one will attend the lecture tmr. it's just 'who wants to ask him qns then go lecture'. if no one attend the lecture, i'll be extra.

bmf test is this friday. wed is last lecture of semester, last time to ask her qns. so many things not done.. wed is also teachers' day celebration. i wonder should i go back to sch and pon bmf lecture. how?

i've touch my autocad for an hour or more. finally going to finish ex 8.2, i'm so slow... and i'm stuck already. so going to ask for help tmr.

i keep looking at the bbq pics and smiled. i think i'm getting closer to them. ok, maybe not closer. but at least i enjoyed myself more with my classmates.

ah, today i went to bukit purmei, to my dismay, they were all not there. i smsed/called carlvin kor kor but he didn't pick up. i think he forgot to inform me. i'm a lil disappointed why he didn't pick up my call or anything, at least i will know that i won't be waiting in vain. so ya. i won't really blame him if he picked up that call.

then i want to renault to see car with dad, because of hte free car wash, we waited there for 1.5hr. renault is having a car wash carnival. he didn't have the intention to buy renault car. and he asked so much. he couldn't act. the sale lady was also a lil bored when "serving" him. the way he ate the free food there was horrigible, as if he didn't eat for yrs. yes, he didn't take his breakfast, and i appreciate that he fetch me the destination everyday without fail. but that's not the right way.

ah. i find the sales lady quite not bad. she is just average looking. but i dunno why i suddenly have a thought whether if she was my gf for a few moment... ok, that's not very good. i also dunno why. and ytd i thought of jiayi and evon... sometimes i wonder whether i am lack in love, that's why i always think so much. but my parents are really nice... though the incident have changed my dad drastically. he dun have bad/evil intention.

i still miss friday evening.

time to eat and for go soccer later.

at first the bbq created lots of problem. anger, quarrels, shouts were just part of the problems in the morning.
in the end, it turned out fine. even agnes, joreen helped to bbq the food. it turned out good. jiayi always said i'm so quiet. but i'm actually admiring all of them. they seeemed happy, so i did somehow. the stars, sea breeze, sound of the waves is so soothing.

ah, i tend to like try to pick an arguement with jiayi or evon nowadays, though i'm playing a fool. but they always try to 'shoot' me. so when i become quiet, they say... 'are u alright? why are u so quiet?'.. it feels weird.

i find that evon doesn't really like to play sports or want to learn new sports, but she's a photo freak. she is like the photographer during the bbq. takes photos of herself and people. candid shot, posed, etc... and i find that it's not that bad to have a gf like evon when having bbq. she's quiet, and i can see she enjoy the breeze... jiayi is more sporty, she plays lot of volleyball today.

ah. i'm tired. but i feel happy, and i think this might the first bbq with friends i felt so happy, as far as i can remember. =) i wished i can go gaze at the stars with someone close and talk to them during a weekend once a month or weekly.

i hope i can pass the test tmr. ok, i think i might pass. cos i put in about the same amount of effort as the rest i supposed. listening during lecture is important. the things u learnt and absorb when there's someone to guide u along is different from what u do when u self-study. there's doubts and alot of pple don't really bother to clarify it and just continue to study along with ur gut feeling.

i was initally very high and happy, excited about the class bbq tmr, cos i can finally play volleyball. but i cut myself in the bathroom just now using a rusty scissors. i hope it wun get any infection if not that's the worse thing that can happen to the body. i told my mum, she said i'm not normal or sth. cos normal human will have hair. but i just hate hair. i dunno why too.

i din go for the soccer training today, cos no one go. and i wanted to study for my test.

thinking of it, i doubt there will be alot of pple at east coast park. it's not the hols. but it's a friday. so i shld expect one or two pits with teens or sth. hope so.

and. haha. i will be wearing the nike shoes my uncle send over here from china, it looks weird. cos it's like 3/4 nike dunk design , and there's an "air" word at the side of the shoes like the nike air force 1. but it's written there on the shoes as nike air force I, maybe it's the air force I in china. ah. and the sole is also totally different from nike air force I or nike dunk.

wahhaha. i can't wait to wear my shoes! i dun mind using it to play soccer or dirty it. it's just like S$15. cheaper than sch shoes.

i just ate less tahn 4hrs ago and my stomach is hungry again.

sigh.

there isn't any mes lecture today, so we had 2 hour break. not exact 2hrs, but 1.5hrs cos i was doing my autocad. felt some sense of achievement when i finished ex8.1[last week's work] in the room today all by myself. it's sometimes good not to compare. at long as i can finish it within the deadline, it's good enough.

after that, bcn. the tutorial questions was relatively easy. everything was just a breeze. went to the d&t room to do our door model. i saw the wood, and relieve my sec1 and 2 days. i wanted to take a picture with some of my classmates together, but everybody was busy. and i doubt no one wants to do that maybe for angela and shijun. the only two girls who went to the room. it is really dusty. ah, i want to take lots of photos nowadays. i just dunno why. wahaha.

chin wei and i decided to use the d&t room as the venue for our ergonomics report. i think it's a good idea.

grala didn't reply in friendster, i doubt she will anyway. since she doesn't know me, and it's very scary when someone who u do not know, knows so much about u...

i really envy those in the singapore netball team/sch netball team girls. their friendship, team bonding...

i don't know why i'm suddenly so pissed with the msn messenger even though the thing has been stuck there for quite some time. knowing that the computer is lagging, he still anyhow check the box "sign in automatically". i feel like punching him now. my mood is spoilt by him, there's still so much homework to do. and i've not been wasting any time today. just that i was too tired and i slept during the evening from 7-11 just now, and he's still on the com when i woke up. this laptop is not his own personal pc. being hungry right now is making everything worse.

i'm glad IT test is alright today, and i can happily say i will get 80marks. that's my prediction. =)

oh, this to add on, tomorrow is his maths prelims, and he doesn't even touch a single piece of paper when he reached home, all he did was to touch the com. not too sure what he was doing when i was slping though i doubt he is just too engrossed into his game.

autocad again.. if there's no autocad , i wun be so pissed, it takes a very long time to do, in fact hours [for my pace of doing the work]. and i doubt i will be able to do finish autocad, mechanical system is enough to kill me for now.

the feeling of draggin my work sucks. i seriously hope i won't fail my autocad in two weeks time.

i feel bad for leaving shiling behind studying on her own during the wee hours in the morning and dealing with all those virus. but i need to sleep. sorry... now maybe i can understand why online friends usually drift apart after a certain period of time.

i wonder whether i will do my work tmr also.. after playing soccer, still need to pray maternal grandfather and great grandparents. there's mircosoft access , autocad. ah. all it related stuff. and mes, drawings. ah. freak.

johanna is quite 'not bad' after i saw her friendster. but she's way too tall. 8cm taller than me. wahhaha. i realised most netballers are attractive. that includes her.

ok, madness.

i shld be slping.

nite blog.

for rp_gal...

it was quite fun and fulfilling for the past 2 days.

thurs.
while trying doing the presentation in the canteen 2, i saw daphne khoo. during our cats, we screwed up our presentation, and i have to admint our product is the most unappealing and amateurish among all. but our product has one of the lowest cost among the others i supposed. then after that, i went to play pool. i sdtill don't really dare to play with others. so, i always lose. heh.

went back home, rush to sch. saw daphne khoo again while crossing the bridge to school. and she looks quite pretty, abit skinner compared to the last time i saw her in school. her skin also not bad, but she's short. =X i heard she's still in yr1 cos of singapore idol. i wonder it is a good or bad thing. she wasted her school fees the whole of last year to gain experience and fame during sg idol. if she's from st.margaret's , why don't she go jc. i wonder why silver go to sp's optometry too, when she's from nyghs, and i believe she can cope up with the stress in jc.

the soccer training was pathetic. only the three of us went. there were 9 people all together. i hope there wil be more people the next week. i was comtemplating whether to join them when the rest filled in the consent form on the spot. anyway, i've handed up. peer pressure. i think soccer is not of the utmost important thing in my life now. maybe i'm starting to play for leisure. not too sure.

i lent chin wei my pants cos he fall down so many times, he looked like he just bathed after walking back from the field. hope this will bring us one step closer. and maybe this soccer activity thingy is the start of it. i can't really call it a club training, cos they're not really that good neither it is a proper training.

ok, my english is getting worse. shall end thur's entry.

oh yes, during cats, mr liew left me quite a good last impression, he told us to pick up everything we learn during any modules, whether we liked it or not. it will benefit us. and there's also he's so patient with us. don't have such a fierce look. i don't mind having him as my lecturer/advisor for other modules. he just have that patient fatherly character. actually, i'm quite sad cats has ended. i only dread doing the project, but i enjoy his lessons.

friday.
as usual for a daily routine, was late for lecture. then during bmf presentation, wong yok na was pissed off with us. she said we were not paying attn and making alot of noise. i do agree. but that's not the way to scold us, she was late too. and it's not everyone's fault. at least even if i dont pay attn, i didn't interupt them. she keep staring at me. =(

after class, we went to bowl at bukit panjang plaza. ah. i realised two of them didn't really know how to bowl. elfie is good. he can use both hands, and his method of throwing was correct. ah, i'm right to stick with elfie. hmm, cw still doesn't talk so much, but wk did talk alot as if he was so pro. kw does it the correct way, but he uses his weight most of the time. he can see his body sway. weird. anyway, both wk and cw threw using the correct method towards the end of the game. =)

oh yes, i found wk's ez-link card when i walked into the lecture hall yesterday. i did another good deed. hoho. but i don't want to be that close with him. talks big.

i think i'm getting a little more comfortable with my classmates now, except there's the fear that i will change. i don't want to. i still want to be fit, etc. the different mindsets. like talking big is part of someone's life. but it's hard to join in the conversation. etc. ah. ok, my english is screwed.

a primary school kid can write better than me.

boring rainy lonely sat.

i'm in school now alone. this is the first time i skipped a lesson on my own in my entire life. well, it's not really a lesson, more like PE. but it's weird. i don't really feel the fear in me now. maybe i'm just concerned what they're discussing about setting up the flag football cca in np. it feels quite good to skip a lesson.

anyway, i have quite a valid reason. it's raining now, so they can't practise. and i don't want my laptop to get spoilt. the field across here the expressway to np is quite far away from a shelter in np.

wahahaha. have to go before anyone sees me blogging.

i was eating my dinner just now while watching the show on channel 8. starrun hosted by jack neo and mark lee. i was thinking jack neo is quite famous now, megan has even won in the 金马奖. then i realised he was working. and i realised , everybody is working. being popular is part of the job of a celebrities, it means they are getting more money in a way or another.

then i remembered what connie jie jie told me yesterday during my maternal grandma's celebration. she asked me how was poly life. and she told me since i have no work or whatsoever, i should even do well in my studies. don't stay at home to surf the net. do something constructive. eg. working. to gain experience.
right now, the scene of her telling me to study hard in the shop few years back reenact in my head.
i'm wondering. everyone is working, to earn a living. but why does everybody have to work. is that called experience? so people come to earth just to experience "life" , and "work" is part of an experience of everybody life.

i don't like to work. i hate to be scolding. especially by strangers or people who are not close to
me. it will linger in my head for awhile before it goes off. then i will be scared out of my wits (scaredy cat) to do anything again. it's an exception for my family, unless it's something i feel that its important.

there's autocad lesson tmr. it's another two more weeks before exams start. there's IT test next week on access.

my attittude has changed. i do not bother to understand what is being taught nowadays, except for the lecture to end as soon as possible.

why is it the opposite from the rest?

people heck when they're young, have dreams when they get older.

i have dreams when i'm young, heck when i'm getting older.

weird.

there's also bcn quiz tmr.

finally, there's soccer. BE society, thurs 5pm at christmas field. i don't know whether i should go, most probably i will. hope they will spot me from training and let me play for BE. at the same time, i can learn more about how soccer training is like for sec sch/poly.

there's still somemore things i want to say. but it just will slip off my mind when i start to blog. and the feeling is not there anymore. not genuine. i feel fake.

went to HL to see dr. hiak. it was a fungal infection.

hmm, was quite contented with my performance today.
it is getting more fun, though i know we will not reach those international stage. we're just too weak to get banged by adults, not to say professional nfl players.

i was in the bus on the way back home just now, less than 1/2 hr ago. i was standing near the door and happen to see a seat behind me[probably the seat of the person who just alighted] so i just sat down.
while looking around, i noticed this rgs girl, probably a sec1 student. she was so small sized and doesnt have a blemish on her face, and i think she barely reach 140. i saw her putting her things down.
and then...
i saw her bag. it was so bigger than her. i was complating whether to give up my seat to her. i did not gave up my seat to her. i was guitly stricken.

so many thoughts went thru my mind. i thought if what i gave up my seat to her. she will not suffer.
others may think that i sympathesize with her.
and she might not like it.
others might think i want to cheat a small girl.
others might want to think i act to be kind.

i would feel awkward standing up again, asking her whether she wants to sit down.
but at the same time, i thought she was from rgs, so she should be determined.
at one moment, i thought "serve her right, who ask her to go to rgs, she shld know it is a nerdy school". i was once jealous of them, but never felt like this before... the first time today.

i usually surf blogs of rgs girls and admire/envy them esp those in the sch team. but for now, it's a good thing that i never felt sad whenever i see students in jc uniform, but more of envy them. anyway, this is the first time i felt proud wearing the np pe attire though.

i didn't want her to not grow tall like me, though i'm not related to that rgs girl.
i have so many thoughts during that journey back home, trying to contradict myself, and not follow my heart. [there's still a few more , but i can't remember it now.]

in the end, i just stopped thinking and close my eyes. because i just felt uncomfortable facing that girl. and i almost fall asleep, but to open my eyes to see her right in front of me again 4 times.

after i got down, she hurried went to my seat. that's the part where i felt i should have let her have the seat long ago. i was wrong, trying to convince myself. selfishness.

ah. my head has that burning sensation again like how i felt last year. must be not enough sleep.
i'm lazy to skip , do sit ups and push up. but i have only just started to do this only for 3 days.

monday.
stayed back in sch to do proj. but nothing much was achieved.

tuesday.
went to watch charlie and the chocolate factory at northpoint with joy, puay tze, yvonne, andeline and her friend su. after that, we went to watch the ndp at the yishun parade. we got so near at the side of the stage and wanted to try our luck entering the backstage. but we were hesitating and got chased out.

managed to get the front row when watching the post-party performance. there was twins, tanya, nicholas tse. i wasn't really interested. it was hot and my legs were numbed/cramp [ ants biting feeling]. only want to accompany andeline and her friend. ok, more of see her friend. =X her friend likes nicholas tse and lin jun jie.

everytime i see joy, i always think what will happen if she's my close friend or even my gf. that time where the both of us share cab home. anyway, her skin is still as nice as ever even though she's in touch rugby.

weds.
managed to finish the powerpoint, the report is due next week. =)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i was smiling for few minutes when i saw the comment. the replacement is a funny show, realised keanu reeves is quite handsome.

ah. i just can't contain my excitement and there's no one who sees me most of the time to share my joy. my online buddies are not around. anyway, we're drifted quite alot.

my rashes is just killing me. it's spreading and so itchy. why must it be at that area? sigh. going to see a doctor later. hope my cats proj can be made finished asap or maybe we shall just get the materials. being a leader is no fun.


btw, i don't think i'm that matured. my uncle says i act as if i know alot of things, but the fact is i don't. i've never really worked also, except to give brochures house to house unlike the other polymates who works part time.

time to slp, the car is under repair, no car for this week... boohoo.

thursday.
after flag football, shimin and i waited for the rain to subside. was late for cats class for an hour. think our lecturer was fuming inside, though he didn't give much expression. came back home after that.

friday.
went for the observance day. it was fun. and this is the first time i really sing along, enjoyed the performance [since sec sch] and felt like i was proud to be in singapore. i love old songs. the atmosphere in sec sch and poly is totally different. the pple enjoy themselves and went mad. but as usual, there are some pple who left halfway through the performance.

sat.
talked to jane on msn for a while in the late morning. went for jog in zhenghua park with sis and . it was not really a jog, i think i jogged for about 2.4km[consider that i've deproved] if i'm not wrong they didn't state the distance, but i keep jogging for 20mins. was supposed to train myself, but sis was unwell.

sun.
went to play soccer at hong lim park. went chee heng's house after that. took dinner over there. when i was eating halfway thru, i realised i never had a meal over there for few months. think back a little about our days when we're in p6. after our soccer training/match, we would always do our work together. play playstation and sleep together. that was peak of our lives.

i wonder how i can handle relationships so well in the past. everybody liked me even though i was a prefect. i was also quite popular in sch. everything went so smoothly, except for my psle results. but i was making a fuss out of it. i was contented yet i keep improving.

borrowed 6 music cds from chee heng. came back home with parents. nontheless, i've never forget edmund though he irriated me at times. he was with me all along, during p5. he helped me when i dislocated my knee. i will never forgot... "dinosaur".
but it seems like i was quite close with chee heng during p5 too.

i also will not forget zhi hao. how we were together in sec 1 and 2. do projects together; "wilbur the pig" -> charlotte's web... how we played soccer together. how we celebrated our birthdays together during sec 1 while doing projects: by eating gummy bear candies.


memories....

but i wonder why is it that all this good things happen to some pple all the time throughout their lives... it's not fair. i tried hard... but still to falter in the end.

m2m rocks. the first english cd album i bought when i was in primary 5 or 6. i love all their songs in the shades of purple album.
alex to's 99' 情人 is the first album i bought in p5 too. and i love all the songs in that album.

time to slp.. shld have not blog and slept. now not mood to slp though tired.

i blog like a small child... not like sarah, or rachel, or xiaxue. but anyhow, i'm not here to entertain pple.

gd nite, blog.

oh yes, i din know this till wong yok na told us after the lecture.

80 and above = A
70-79 = B
60-69 = C
50-59 = D
below 50 = F

and there's no E.

to get into the university, it is best to get B and above. Chee Keng told me C and above.

top 3 person will get AD in the course. i doubt i can be one of them.

i got a fcbb.

erm. i think i should let more people know about this blog. so i won't feel that i seek attention of only one person. some of them are just my thoughts and feeling, and some of the post are just out to seek attention. but i dunno why i will just do that out of the blue sometimes, like just can't control. i'm very sorry.. hmm, anyway, i don't think that i've been the childish stage once unless u're talking about being in lower primary or younger. i always do my work, pay attention in class, never skip a lesson before, i've never laugh at people, gossip about them, backstab them before too. but recently i just learn how to laugh at people though i dunno what's happening. cos everybody is doing that, if not i will feel extra... i din mean to be rude in this post also.

i think i'm always defending myself right? and it's very bad not to admit my mistake? i dunno, i think i was borned stuborn. maybe i'm on my way to lose another friend who wants to really help me get out of this trap....

sigh.

went for the innovation and entreprise talk yesterday evening. it was because it was compulsory and cca point would be awarded [but i think it's just some bullshit]. i would have somehow regretted it if i decided to leave during the break. i learnt something from them. the difficult part is how u are going to apply it to your life.

"thinking is important, doing is everything." - alvin lee.

ah. why don't n organise talks on sports and fitness; how to cope with yourself mentally and physically?
i would definitely go for that talk.

i've been wondering. how long would my passion last? it seems like i don't really care much about soccer despite knowing that i can't make it big. neither would i want to venture out to business. and i still don;t know what i want to do 5yrs down the road when i wake up everymorning. i want to learn many new sports. but afraid that people will do better than me.

i thought i can make it for flag football team. it seems not. eugene is doing so well. he runs fast and knows the way/method to get past opponents. i must really start to begin training so as to become what i used to be when i was in primary 6, or become even better. though i doubt it would take alot of work , and i need mr donald tan to become my coach again.

talking about flag football, it's is thursday again. sigh.

i'm not wallowing in self pity. just devastated and need some encouragement and companion who wants to jog with me.

oh yes, damn it. i decided not to play soccer with carlvin korkor last min. and when i come back home, i was so tired that i slept for 2/3hrs. i din go jogging with my sister. i felt bad making her wait and wasted her time.

i hope my dad will realise that we're not all against him. and i know that the past have really affect him adversely. hope he will pick himself up again though i dunno how he thinks or feels now. he's totally unpredictable. if he continues, something bad might happen one day [touchwood].

i don't know what's my main aim of bloogging..


everything is upside down. not really that bad. must i really change myself? to suit the environment? what about keeping fit? school team? gd results?

pretentious.



i miss sec school. damn myself being so anti in upper sec.

if i go to work. then i will miss poly life. but then that's not the best i want for myself. if changing myself to a gamer so that i can talk to them, then i will die in ns.



jane sounds so friendly now.... but i bet i'm just a minute character in her life. or maybe not, i shouldn't judge her by my feelings. it will not be fair to her.

anyway, i should thank her for being there, talking to me during sec 3.


ms lau wedding was alright.


i dunno how to blog. i wish i can just play soccer now with chee heng they all. and then go to slp in the morning. pon sch tmr. and every other day except weds and maybe thurs.

i almost did it today, just that my mother have got the stomache pill, if not i wil not go to sch...

i'm not complaining why this happens to me. and i have no right to say anyone.
self pity myself.

i dunno what the hell i'm writing now, except knowing that i have not bathe and is so freaking itchy now and not doing the report which is due by wed as what chin wei requested.


can i come back stronger than before? [ok, this sentence is copied from another blogger.]

it seems not.

pri 1-3 climbing, pri 4 - sec 2 peak, sec 3-4 falling, poly 1 fallen.


雪天使...


that is a very nice show.

and is there really snow angel?




i don't blog what i feel now. just being whiney.

freak you melvin, bloody 1st time idiotic newbie attention seeker... don't even know how to go about doing it.


i'm just typing wihtout feeling anything. really seek attention.

went city link and raffles city on friday with kelly to see ms lau's gift. when me and kelly sit at the seats eating.. i was thinking if we were a couple. then i must always pay for my gf. haha. feels responsible. but i dun think i can last if that were to happen everyday. i can just chat naturally with her. not like my poly classmates.

went there again today, together with joseph , puaytze and kelly to get ms lau's gift. got them a 'pair' of champagne glass. i also saw pan lingling when i rushing down to the cityhall mrt station at the entrance.

she's tall.. at least the same height as me. and she's also pretty. i find her quite average in the tv. and she's a mother of two children. i think she has got quite a good figure. omg. i can't imagine joanne peh or felicia chin or fiona xie, which many guys find her very pretty. ok, i saw felicia chin before. the first day of this year. she was so full of make up la. so can't see clearly.

oh ya, ate hans today too, at chinatown there...


ah, i'm so tired. hmm, i think i might not wear a polo tee tmr...


ciao.

oh wait, i also realised that i have a stomach like ET at the lower abdomen there.

the lower abdomen is so difficult to train... plus the late dinner at 11-1 everynight makes my tummy pretruding out.

sian.

i saw xiang yun at chinatown.

i'm damn tired.

i don't really enjoy flag football.

and one of the reason is because i can't excel as well as eugene. the only thing i can do is run for touchdown. but he's like so much better than me.

i think i might be better than him in soccer.


i hate to do powerpoint or autoCAD.

the gift... ah. no one likes the idea of giving a book. i think i shall just get a gift and forget about it.

there's elh presentation later. and i dun like it. i hate to present.

johanna is always so "within my sight" when she plays tennis at the court. so tall. and she tie her hair makes her looks better. from the way she learn, i can sense that she likes tennis alot. and is determined to do well...

i should have joined tennis. rafael nadal.

i dread going to sch everyday.

got back 2 modules. i failed autoCAD. as expected. 45/100. only two person to fail in class.
bcn got 32/50 [converted to 64/100]. i was expecting to be the top few in class.
but no. one of the lousiest, tho 3 or 4 of them failed. it doesn't pay to be attentive in class. study smart... those never listen in class, do well. was quite jealous of kim wei. 82/100. cos he always slps in class, and studied only the lsat minute. and i believe he's very engrossed into his game that he wun study. was thinking of changing course after i got back my bcn result.

haha. but come to think of it, i most probably might excel in other modules next term . laws, theories, poa. i love maths, tho my amaths sucks. i hope poa will not be difficult. never learnt it in my life before. ah. then again, there will be people better than me.

qing_e, thanks for being the only reader in my blog. hmm, i did not call simon. i wanted to be a soccer player when i was in p6, was in the soccer team. but sec sch doesn't have a team, so joined ncc. now i don't know what cca to join in poly too. i just stil lcan't click with poly classmate.s they talk about computer games, basketball. and they're proud of what they talk about, do , etc. the girls is about movies, shopping, boys. i'm not that interested too. i want talk about sports, and since upper secondary. i didn't dare to try new sports, since i can't excel in soccer anymore. i'm not good. i just miss the memories i have in primary school. the annual sports day, whereby i will run at least one event every year thru out the 6yrs. maybe , i just need to have fam and status. i dunno also. for now, i just want that bonding, and think being in the team is not important. but when i do, it's otherwise. i hope u understand what i typed in here. well, it's just a long story. and i might not be as inoccent as u think. if i tell u what i do, u might be disgusted with me and might not bother me anymore, though i doubt so.

there's still a slight pain in my chest since leonard keep hitting/pinching me yesterday.

i sms-ed ms lau to inform her about the changes, and i asked the questions. now i think whether i'm a menace now. i'm afraid to keep troubling her...

i've really got no life. comtemplating whether to buy those boardshorts from Fmen. it's $26.90 after discount... like only $1 more than wildwave at queensway. and i think it's more branded than wildwave. never heard of wildwave before. and the website they gave was inaccessible.

the best is to get those from quiksilver,ripcurl or billabong... but so expensive.

sigh.

i want to get a abercrombie and fitch coat/sweater.


there's so much i want to get.

i want to grow taller.

no life.
no soccer.
no friends.

i feel so empty now...

don't feel like going to school tomorrow... sian.

i saw ms lau and lynette chua today at orchard, takashimaya in the afternoon. became very excited and went mad after that.


ms lau never change at all. still taller than me and pretty. i must admit her husband is not bad, though i cannot really remember how he looks now. but then first impression counts... so ya.

i was wondering whether lynette could recognise me.


anyway, i think i'm pissing people off by asking them how they feel about what i want to get. sigh. i can't use vulgarities here cos it's for ms lau. i just wished i can just get a gift by myself. i don't mind forking out $50. but $100 is way beyond budget. ahhhhhh. how? and must we give green ang bao when we attend the wedding cos we're not married?

i've never been to a malay wedding before...


can anyone pls tell me how?

the gift i intend to get.




isn't it nice? i find it nice. cos they're birds. so it means, two love birds.
meaning? but they're like $118 for the two small ones. and $138 for the bigger ones.

so how?

i dunno what to wear for malay wedding too.

dead.

i'm comtemplating whether to ask ms lau over the email what i should do for a malay wedding?

should i or should i not?

i don't know whether i did touch the girl anot. but i only felt her skirt. i didn't say sorry , and was thinking whether to do that. cos it will be very embarrassing for me as well as her. so i didn't. i just hope she didn't feel anything.


i just can't study MES now. there's so many diagrams. and i realised it's the worse module of all three. sigh. how?

i like joanne peh.

i can't seem to understand LOST the show. argh. why the hell there's some many people trapped in the island. and they're fighting? cos selfishness? then they also show those people in the city living so comfortably... reenactment?
OC also. their english is like so soft/slang/chim.
desperate housewives also.
must continue to watch then will roughly understand.

went to imm on sunday and bought my 'abercrombie and fitch' shirt. i've wanted to own that brand of shirt since exactly about 1yr 1mth when i saw a very muscular man walking along centrepoint.

went esplanade to study on mon. it's the second time i went there to study. wow, it's very conducive and relaxing... just that my clothes are uncomfortable. i seriously think i need a special tailor to make my clothes esp the innerwear.

hmmm. yesterday's test was relatively easy. i will confirm pass if it's 25/50 is the passing mark. however, i think many people will pass the test. therefore, getting an A is very difficult.

i don't believe those who say they do not study. and i dun like it when they say they didn't study. ok, if u read thru, just say u read thru then. if not do not even comment on studying then. pretentious.

i wonder why they can be so proud of themselves going around telling people they did not study. to prove that they're smart? if they are. they should be in rj/hci. ok, any jc should be ok since our batch has the most number of babies. and who says dragon babies are lucky/prosperous/smart/or anything they can think of?

i'm getting bored. and i can't really remember what i studied in school for that past 6hrs or so.

haven't go back giant to change my electrical shaver. argh. i hate hair, except those on my head. and pimples. boo.

quiksilver open beach volleyball competition is this weekend. =)

miss lau's wedding next week. =)

presentation and projects due next week. =(

joannepeh. vincentng. julianhee. =D

i like blogskin with white background and black fonts. =)
help me do my please....

test is on tues, and i haven even finish scanning thru one module...

save me.

i have stubble everywhere on my body. yucks.

rj students are cute...

maybe i'm demanding too much. that's why i can't have such good bonding as the rest. if i'm in pj...

i've made jiayi angry yesterday. i wonder how. i didn't mean to be mean. inviting pple to wedding is important. but not that i don't want to imvite her. but i still dunno her that well...

saw si jia at queensway.. was rather sad/stoning before i left queensway, wishing to see her and say hi to her. heard from chee heng she's the captain of sp's netball. no wonder... and i'm just another person in this world only.

wanted to thank jiayi giving me a chance to talk to pauline at anchorpoint's kfc. apparently, i bored her. and did many wrong things. she cleared the seat and table for me , yet i didn't go and sit down.

i just screwed everything up. anyway, i think she knows i'm interested in knowing her. i think i'm just attracted to the way she dress and etc. she is more mature and stuff, older than me.

i'm still acting like a sec sch boy, and can't give girls that sense of security. and i like the way i am except for my pimples and height, and the fact i'm not in school team since sec sch. i still wouldn't know what to talk to her the next time round...

i'm also so confirm going to fail my autoCAD common test just now...

it's been the second time since i shared a cab with joy from cineleisure back home after a movie... =)

been a week since i last blogged. i think it has been a busy week though i can't remember what i did. anyway, i need to confirm miss lau's wedding by sunday. no one is replying to it. ahhh. if i tell them, then later they never confirm then want to go or vice-versa, ms lau will be embarrassed, cos not yet seats. and it will be my fault again. sigh.

kelly's bday on thurs. happy belated bday.

ellice's bday today, happy bday.

it's term break. after next week, it will be common tests week. sian.

i should have gotten at least 45/50 for my test today. all because of the catching of cockroaches. but nonetheless, i'm quite proud to say, tho i never study much. i definitely will get at least 30/50. haha.

stubbles anywhere is so irritating. i want go light impulse hair removal treatment. i want go for acne treatment too...

today, in the bazaar in sch, i spotted a white abercrombie and fitch shirt which i think suits me. it cost $18, and i decided not to buy worrying that it's not the authentic one tho i went back and forth around the stall thrice with the stall holder asking me thrice. lol. now i regretted it. go FOS, travel there already cost $1.10 liao, unless i'm buying two shirt. which is unlikely, cos there's seldom M size there.

A&F!!!! where is his stall.......... damn damn damn damn damn.... I shld have just bought it and try to bargain with him.


i'm always so bored after sch.

and i dunno who i like. or i dun like anyone actually...

i can't even do 50situps one shot just now.

what cca shld i join? i want to be in the team.

i think i can't make it for flag football. i'm not fast and reactive enough.



this is sooooooooooooooooooo boring.

i dun like autoCAD.



abercrombie and fitch............................

miss lau's chinese wedding.. just a few more hours from now. haha. but i'm not invited. heh. i just want to wish her all the best and enjoy her marriage. my english sounds weird here though.

playing soccer later, hope i won't be sunburned again. it's beeen busy busy busy. common tests are just around the corner. not yet revised, but i doubt others have started their revision except for one or two.

my 'exactly like edison chen hair' haircut was a failure. i look so chao ah beng now. i wonder what my relatives will say when they see me on sunday.
maybe... "wah, melvin. what happened to your hair?" or "wah, u want to become ah beng liao ah, after u enter poly?"

Klarissa is adorable. It is a nice and unique name.


Edison is handsome. Though, it is nice but not so unique.

1 month have past. have been busy with those projects. actually, it's only one. rather stupid. i think i haven't really gotten over about jc. sometimes, tears just flow out of my eyes.

anyway, i should be grateful. just going the acjc website makes me feel sad for wei kong...

but i just dunno why what had happened to my dad? has all that worrying,anxiety, fear changed to bravery, happiness, guts? he's like hecking everything. i wonder how long can mummy endure? i just don't want her to fall sick. we haven't even celebrated her bday tho it's a tradition not to celebrate most occasions in my family.

what cca should i join?

i was kicked out of the 1st round of soccer trial.

common tests are coming soon.

i still feel alone. who can i talk to who sees me most of the time? definitely not them.

so many things happen.

what am i supposed to do now?

go to slp?

bored.

everyone has been very busy with school. i think i'm so busy , that i have no time to think about the jc thingy. it has been quite okay so far in school. day by day, those people i initially didn't really have a good impression on, are not as bad as i thought.

have been drifting away from all my online buddies, but i guess it's just part and parcel of life. everyone has a different life to lead. and i still haven seen their in real since i knew them for like 4yrs.

ahh.. it's going to be a rainy day today. and there's soccer trial. i hope i will not injure myself again. and the injury will not hinder me from performing though i know there's 75% chance that i will not be select to be in the team.

time to bathe and go to sch.... if not i will be late. it's teo hin chuan's lesson. i realised that he has a good impression of me. at least i think so. and so he has high expectation of me i supposed. i just hate the d&t part in building construction.

was walking down the emergency exit at block4 after helping a guy find his way to the room. think he's taking up part time diploma over there. it's rather scary at 6+pm when the orchard road doesn't even have a single soul walking in/around/about/from there.

another lonely day.

oh yes, and to add. i added another 3 more very visible scars on my right knee last wednesday.

i can't be a handsome boy anymore.
but i wasn't handsome in the first place. ok, since i was secondary 3 then i become ugly.

i'm really starting to regret to take up FMB and not appealing in the first place because of my hesitation. couldn't blame anyone in future if i don't do well. yes, i will start nagging and tell my mum like how i did when i joined the ncc. this time round, i have no one to blame. i hate growing up. how? i also can't appeal now already.

business studies have so many students? how am i going to excel in it?
or maybe i should learn how to like and appreciate drawing and also physics.
i really need lee yeung's help this time.
sigh.


and yes, i think i sprained my left ankle for the first time in my entire life 3 weeks ago and it's still not ok but i continue to play soccer.
today, i think i sprained my second toes. it's so swollen . and i did not take my medicine regularly after i saw the doctor that time since i was at home and i dun take my breakfast or lunch.
shld i continue with the medicine?


i just don't know why i'm so prone to injuries nowadays.

i don't want to lose the motivation/interest to play soccer even when i reach 30. even if i'm not a professional soccer player.

but injuries are wearing me down. i just admire david beckham. broken toe. yet still play so well. same as ronaldo. but they're different. they have physio. i dun have.

i hope all's well.

i still wished i could enter a jc.

and just as i read the newspaper about the 1st 3mth jc thingy. i realised that last year, i didn't know that prelims results will affect the chances of me entering the 1st 3mths jc. i'm dumb.

oh yes, loh wanying rgs. lol. bball player. her name appeared on the newspaper.


well, carrie chong is from TP. jamie yeo is from NP. so is thomas ong!

=)



pray for my ankle and toe.

don't have the feeling of being true now.
heck.
as in i'm not telling lies. but just can't say what i feel in my heart cos it's over.

i'm getting further and further away from what i want to do.

happy to get posted to np. cos some of my friends whos r4 is better than me was unsuccessful in application. hope they can get in somewhere too.

business studies? i want. but then i hesitated. so din appeal.
but the problem is there's so many pple take the course. how to excel in it?
only thing is that when graduate from np, there's many job available cos it's a general diploma tho the pay might be quite low.

hope i will get to like studying pipes and electricity and drawing of houses.



god bless me.

Did You Know:Anxiety and anger can intensify acne.
i dunno.
no wonder my face sux.

Did You Know:Good sleep habits and good nutrition can help reduce acne.
one reason why my face sux.




Does Your Self-Esteem Need a Makeover?
Your self-esteem is In Great Shape

Good for you! Your self-esteem looks pretty healthy to us! Maybe you don't consider yourself a total rock star, but our guess is that others do! Regardless of what other people think, you know that you're pretty darn great.You also know that a big part of feeling good and looking good is taking care of yourself and treating your body right. The key is in your attitude and not freaking out when you don't get the greatest grade on a test or when someone else has the same outfit on as you. You take it in stride and see that it's the big picture that matters most. Your mature and confident approach will surely take you straight to the top in anything you do. Congrats! Keep it up!

yes and no. just regretted what i did in the past. and my sec sch. which totally changed me.
if i were continue to be fussy and clean, i will attract lots of girls.
if i din go that sch, i will be in sch soccer team.
if i din go that sch, i will not be online now.
if i din go that sch, i will not have anything that i will not be able to let go.
if.........................












boring.




freak.






self pitying myself?


maybe.




shit.
it.
freak
it.
damn
it.


life is weird.
so simple yet so complex.
wth.

tmr going to play soccer. and eat sakee sushi with jiawang that gang.
but i dun think i will be happy and be myself.
but at least i will get to go out.
and waste money.
i think i can sleep, but i don't want to. or it is a habit already. i don't want to kill my stamina and health by staying up late.

and i just hope that rosanne han will smile like linda liao. like she smile in CHASE.

and i find that the show is somehow what she's experiencing now.
except that she's not utt and she don't demand an apology.
hope she will be alright. it's been one year.
i just wondering.

if the boy like her so much, and he knows she don't like him. why make her worry about him.

or

is she too sensitive that she worry too much for the boy, but she doesn't like him in anyway and giving him false hope for him to carry on?

no one's fault i think. but i want to blame. i will definitely blame it on the boy.

and what about the boy that she likes?

doesn't he like her?

i know she's not hurting any innocent boy.

everyone is pretending.

i don't want to be one of them in future.

just be myself in the past.

but it's just so difficult to let go out the past or to go back to the past.


and all i do now is care for girls only.

flirty freak?


maybe.















please take care of yrself.

i think i know why blogging has lost its meaning. cos at first when i blog, i thought it was fun to seek attention from another person. after the get real! which interviewed xiaxue. i alraedy lost the meaning for blogging. or u shld say, i have nvr had a meaning for blogging.

well, i know now at least lian jie's mum is not that jialet as i thought. she gave me $20 and ask me to keep without telling my mum, so that i can go out with my friends. i dun feel that good cos i dun want to owe her anything. but it's just out of her that she give me. so i accepted. aunty kwok ing [ dunno how to spell ur name also. =X], thanks alot!

i suddenly have the urge to go out with friends. of cos with plan in mind. as in they plan. dun just go walk walk only. or play pool or anything. hope can have heart to heart talk better. but why leh? i dunno. no one i really comfortable with. chee heng, kevin, ivan. all also dun really like to go out. i want to go sentosa to sit the monorail. and wear boardshorts to play beach volleyball. but then i'm shy. and i dun have one boardshorts. and i dun have figure. freak. but if someone will go with me, i wun mind. malcolm, is going with his cell grp friends on thurs. but i duno they at all. and it will be awkward.







i also hope i can go out with people in yanziunlimited. so long nvr see them.









and my online buddies... wondering how are they getting on?











and most importantly, my family....











but i dun seem to really care abt them.


i care even more for rosanne. keep thinking abt her being sad only. dunno why.





but then she's so troubled by her love life.


the guy that likes her .

and the guy that she likes.







the same situation when i was p6... but it din daunt on me for 1yr like her.
instead, i made a girl cry.





so my retribution for doing that is not getting into jc, being short, ugly and stupid.










or maybe not.






maybe something worse is yet to happen.










money is really the freaking root of all evil.







became so numb that i dunno how am i supposed to feel.









and yes, i'm trying to make myself numb now.








to make myself miserable.






for myself.








not sad or depressed nor happy .








u train people how to treat u by how u treat urself. - martin lutte.










miss sng.
miss lau.
mr dt.
mrs lui.
mrs law.
leonard cheong.
mdm hong.
mrs lee.
mr ore.
miss joyce quek.
miss serene lim.
ms lim hee hwa.
ms lim chio may.
mr aloysius loh.
mr ooi.
mrs looi.







i dunno wth i name the teachers for. and i know i miss out some teachers.

ok, thanks for teaching me all these 17+years . to my friends,relatives,teachers,strangers,accident,incident,sadness,sorrow,happiness,salty,sour.







and the singer whose song is being played on the com right now. sometimes love ain't enough.
sunyanzi,stefanie.
sng ee tze.
duno.
wadever.








oh ya, mr.derick wong.








haha.













































i'm just typing for fun. to waste my time. to try to tired myself so that i can freaking slp.













































who do i really like?



who do i really love?





what the heck am i wasting my life?






how can i ask melody chong for advise on how she can get over her probelm. tho i dunno what's the problem is abt. but it's related to o's. and her results have been very good alll along.

so what is she trying to do?

i dun dare to ask her

if ask, will make her sad.

if dun ask, i nvr learn.





but then i'm not close to her also.

how can i start opening my bloody moiuth?


sboring.

crao thaat u akk tyoed,


abd u ckised nyt eytes aeyes.

freaking last three sentence..

retype.

boring.
crap that i all typed,
and i closed my eyes all along.
































rachel tan. u17 netball. yan xin?



why so funny.



suddenly appear.



but her blogskin is nice...


i want to use it as my also.
but not originality...
but do i have it ini the first place?


lol. and i din stalk her.






ok, hope no one spreads this entry arnd....
she will be freaked out.
i just evny national players that's all.
tho she have her own problems. but still.
stronger than me in everyway.

except being stuborn?

























nothing to do.
so freaking bored.

screwed up blogger. i was so happy lor.
nvm. shall not let this affect my mood. bye.

wooo. din expect even more sms today. jus a few more la. but still very delighted already.
spent the whole day listening to LEAVE album. haha. what a unique thing to do. but i've been happy the whole day. trying to escape and stuff. cos i scared if what really someone called me and ask me out. but then no one have. lol. doesn't matter... =D

i forgotten what i wanted to say...
oh yes, i din go suntect. was scared. coward. din want to commit first till i really get a better understanding of what is love and relationship and more about the world.

suddenly, after shu zhen went offline...
i thought of jeanette aw. her character in a child's hope 2. can't remember her name liao. felicia chin is kit, li nan xing is hu yi ming, zhang yao dong is pin sth?, ahh. forgot liao.. nvm..
i remembered the scene where she bought the kids to macdonalds with li nan xing. to treat them meal. cos it's her birthday. she wanted to share her joy with everyone, since she's going to die soon... i just want to be like her. so caring....

i thought i did that by talking to shu zhen just now. cos i try to like make her remember the singpass and things related to o's stuff. wished her all the best and stuff...

yes, i think i shldn't do that. cos she's stressed enough. but i dunno what else to talk already.

or is it cos of lust? or maybe my boredom, loniliness that tempted me to msg her when jiawang go offline suddenly.

i dunno. i feel it's not very right, but also not wrong. but i know others will say i'm a flirt or something like that. just that it's become part of me now. since upper sec. or maybe it all started cos sj blocked me on msn... haha.

it's all in the past..

ah.. can't go on liao. i begin to feel that those feeling is coming back. i must stay happy. only like 2more hrs before there's show to watch..

*beams*

i'm fortunate.
and bday shld be a day whereby i shld thank my parents and not by spending more money.
that's what mrs.lee [ or is it mr.ore ?] said during pri 2 [ or is it pri 4?] . i have forgotten. but then i can remember what they mean.




*sweet memories...*

listening to yanzi's LEAVE album now... it's been so long since i listen to a whole full of hers.
i was sleeping when it struck 12am on 26feb2005. anyway, i woke up to a quite shock state. thinking that my eyes got problem. cos i can't see clearly. but i was quite sure it was because of the sleeping. i was quite worried cos after a long while, then i got back my total full vision. lucky me, maybe that serves as an warning for me.

i decided to listen to yanzi's album and do something special for my bday ba. like typing in the dark right now.
rosanne was online. but she isn't online now. i couldn't console her. or maybe she have blocked me on msn by telling me she want to go ba. but i hope that she will sleep ba. cos she have to work later.

should i go andersens' ice cream at suntec later?
but i dunno what to do to console her or i want her to be happy or maybe i just want to see her.
i'm still not very stable yet in these relationship stuff.

LOVE. a four alphabet word. is so difficult to define. so difficult to find. maybe this is the hidden meaning of life. to search for that love.
and it seems that love/relationship is the only thing that people know it's wrong when it is going to be 'bribe over' by money. people will feel guilty over it. other than that, no.
money is everything liao.

it seems that bday doesn't really matter much to me anymore. just like what joy said, the one in bubblesofjoy.blogspot.com [ if u read this, pls forgive me ok, not want to put ur name/blog here.] i really find sense in her entries. and made me think back of the past and present. not that i can think alot, but at least i feel that i've known something more.

also, i want to thank my family. who tried an effort to make me happy, and bought ice cream puff to sort of celebrate. they said want go swensens tmr. ask me go down shop, but i dun think i will ba. unless, i'm going out. hai. i always talk before i think at home. why can't i talk like the way i treat my relatives/friends/non-family members/teachers? maybe i still take my family for granted. i'm happy that the remember my bday. i din expect that, since few years back. we din really celebrate bday.
somemore, not in turbulent times, they still spend instead of saving the money. i feel bad, but then not that bad. cos i just can't cry tho there's tears in my eyes now...

THANK YOU DAD & MUM, SIS & BRO...

and also to my friends who remembered my bday... thank you. now i feel like i'm being such not-a-good-friend cos i dun go and remember their bday. maybe they heard it's my bday from someone. then shun bian sms me. maybe they really care. i do not know.
but for the benifit of the doubt, i choose to believe the latter abit more. since they've been my classmate for 4years throughout the sec sch life.

frankly speaking i still feel something is amiss. but then now at least, i think that this is the longest truest feeling i've wrote since a super long time...

i always doubt that i've lost my humanity already. but i dunno what keeps me doing things that wun hurt others, or at least in my point of view. at least i try to care, just dunno how to express it well.

well, maybe like yingying said. dun take things as a responsibility...

it's like more of a responsibility in my nature... than out of love. i dun feel the love over there, or maybe i still dunno what is love.

but i seriously hope this 'responsibility' wun fade away. even when i come out of army...
cos i think by then, amry will change me alot.
and like i always said and worried.

i might grow up to be a jealous, full of regrets, spiteful, unfilial person.

then how?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

*mosquitos are surrounding me i supposed. i feel so itchy on my hands out of a suddenly.*

.
.
.
.
.


i think and definitely is the longest entry i have wrote since a long time. not intended. tho i somehow know that it will be the longest entry i've ever wrote since i change the template or start this new blog address.


i dun really have bday wish for the past for years actually[ at least i think so]. but for now. i hope that my family will treasure each other more, spend more time together, love each other, my dad and mum will not be so xin ku, my sis and bro will mature faster [ but hope the dark ugly side of this society scares the shit out of them].

rosanne be happy.
my friends be happy. who are my friends? i also dunno. ok.
the whole world happy.
world peace.
everybody i know will have good a's and o's result. tho i know i'm quite a goner already.
i grow taller and be more optimistic and get back the past melvin in rvps[ the old me in pri sch].
still got alot more. and i can't think of it right now. cos i wrote this entry on impulse.
oh yes, to get to know sun yan zi, stefanie more. get to see her more. get to learn from her. get her to be my god sis. and maybe elva also the same. jeanette aw. felicia chin. paolo maldini. robbie fowler. kaka. zidane. roberto carlos. luis figo. nesta. nedved. del piero. beckham. and many more....

seee. i wrote this entry on impulse. and i always am. every entry is i think. but today's is the worst.

oh yes, i forgot. still got miss lau. miss sng. mr khew. =)

ok ba, i go enjoy my LEAVE album, which rot for two years liao.
it's the first autograph session i attend of yanzi's. together with a unknown person i met on the irc for the first time. kiro... wonder how is she now also.. din keep in contact already.
[ i just realised that i was so daring in the past, lucky for me... i din meet any bad guys. phew...]

god bless everyone.
and to myself. cos o's is like out in 2day's time.
sunday, i sure will get questioned till siao. hai. quite stress being the eldest in family. and also my paternal side.

ahhhhhhh. i forgot to add another thing. i like to watch 1/2 yuan fen. [ english title: you are the one] on channel 8. i like that show very much. everyone in there except patricia mok. but come to think of it.. she add on to the laughter in the show. if not for her.. i dun think it will be as interesting anyway.
* damn moquitos/flys/insects... i'm so itchy all over.*
oh terence cao = super eligible bachelor. [ i want to be like him.]
chor chew meng = can't express well, but his actions show it all. [ i want his boyish look, since i can't be as tall as terance cao]
jaclyn tay = innery beauty [ i want her heart of gold.]
rui en = hua ping. seriously, i cant think anymore really good abt her for now. but she sure looks quite pretty.. maybe her ignorance to this dark ugly side of the society?
chen song ling = career woman. caring. but same as chow chew meng. has a da jie quality. [ i hope to have her leadership/qualities of leading the siblings.]
ps: i like the way chen song ling sway her body and stuff. her hair like so nice? i'm totally attracted to it. so class... i shall watch the next episode. cos when she jump to snatch the hotdog bun meant for fido in the ad. i could see her stomach abit. so tone.
disclaimer : i'm not a pervert or have some fetish. just that i like to be a pretty boy. i duno why. i'm straight! and i dun like facial hair. just like woman does. but i play soccer...
lastly, christopher lee = happy go lucky. [ i want his this attitude too, i'm like too serious in everything.]
but if i'm not serious, everything will go haywire. just like how i got defeated by SARS, and thus resulting in my louy o's result which is coming in 2days time.

ok. i have nothing left to say liao ba...

oh yes, i think today is the longest time i spent on writing a blog entry too. since at least got 1/2 year ago?

=D

happy bday to lim zhi hao and loh nyean chek.
happy belated bday to zoe tay's newborn baby, yvonne yeo, xxlustforbloodxx jie.
and future bday to alice, zh's gf.
also to lee yeung and jane xie, whose bday is coming real soon.
isabelle of 405 in rgs, jamie yeo, thomas koh in april.
anmin, serene lee in may.
shi ling, joy poh and mum and rachel tan of u17 nball team in june.
yanzi, joanne in july.
bro, alicia , yong kai in august.
si jia, malcolm, stacy in sep.
ginnie, amy fang, melody chong in oct.
angeline, ruoci, shuwei, luis figo, joy in nov.
rosanne, ivan, clarecia, dad in dec.

oh, i dunno why i listed it. i tempted to stop but i can't. and i realised i still dunno many pple bday. and ying ying is one of them. i shall go check it out later.
i'm just not a good friend. she's in my buddies list on msn. but then i just can't remember. maybe i'm taking her for granted already. that's bad...

oh shit. still got shu zhen's bday i forgot.
damn damn damn.
jia wang's also.
but then my hp can store only 25bday.

how am i supposed to remember everything. i'm too lazy to record... i'm just worried this is just another beginning of another nightmare. i'm just so reluctant to do everything now. is it becos the o's is over? or it's already fated in me. to be lousy thruout my entire life?

ending of track 10 : LEAVE in the "LEAVE" album liao.

i so wish i can turn back time....
yanzi.... really part a significant part of me. that i wun forget. and also to sj, thanks. if no for u, i will not know yanzi. lucky, that's when i'm inoccent. know nothing much about love. wasn't really hurt. but still it is still etached in my mind. maybe it's for forever? i dunno...

look where we are, we've come so far...
there's still a long long way to go..
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family and friends, together we stand.
and in the end,
hand in hand...
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yanzi rox!

track 11: we will get there. [national theme song for 2002 also.]

i think at the end of jc, i will have very sweet memories like most a's students do. just hope it's not like another experience in oss. that will be better if i enter the school team, it will be tough and tiring. but those sweet memories will forever be etached in my mind.

i think when pple enter poly, they will tend to play more , enjoy life. and forget everything. i dun mean that everyone will be like that [majority]. so they will take things for granted. and things will be like what i experience in oss. or maybe not. cos i wun get complacent anymore, since poly is different from sec sch/jc.

justanotherpersoninthisworld's point of view.

blogsurfing halfway thru... but then i came to a conclusion why guys are unfaithful or sth like that. cos after jc/poly. they go to the army. so when they're in there. they got no time to think of those days in sch. which, i believe many students will miss those days. and since they're so busy getting trained esp with those 'do or u will suffer' situation. there bound to be people sabotaging each other in bmt or at least the first few months in army cos the bond is not there yet. so they have learnt how to be like that. being very cautious and things like that.
and now i finally realised how powerful is money. and why people will rob/steal/kill for it.
i can understand why money is number 1, in terms of any relationship.[ for certain people]

poly or jc. i still can't decide.

and i realised. only thru reading blog, i feel that i'm more humane than how i feel real life.

my english sux. and i guess, no one is reading what i type anything.

back to reading blog...

16feb 2005 is a day i must remember for at least the next few years. or better still, for life. at least must last till i get a gf. but i hope i wun get a gf so soon also. haha. yay. happy la.....
euphoric-ed.
elated.
delighted.
contented.
joyful.
jubilant.
ecstatic.
overjoyed.
ok, only the first 2 words are from my mind. the rest were from dictionary.com. but well, i learnt those words before only to return it to my teachers so soon.

one more week before i get my results.
and it means that it's my bday.
my results will determine how my bday will be celebrated. in tears of joy. or in tears of resentment. it will result in the real beginning of my life though sec sch have somehow ruined it. or rather i should say upper sec or actually, it's SARS. i dunno why i used to like a word with sar in it. anyway, i have stopped using it anymore. except for my yahoo account. anyway, it's not that i'm unhappy or superstitious. just so happen that i dun use it anymore.

and for now, i have concluded that the 2 people who have SS as their initials are the saint in my life. or at least once. or at least for now.
well, i dunno... my crush always doesn't seem to last very long. sigh. not too sure though.
but anyway, the bottomline is...
i'm happy today.
and i hope she[the person who made my day or at least for the next few days] will not be tired out. and thanks alot alot.

i really think i miss sch quite alot. i'm so hoping that i'm with lee yeung, yi wei and valen now. i know i'm being anti-social like that right now. cos i know their at goodwood hotel, and it's like just so near my house. just 1/2hr can reach liao. but i nvr tell joseph that i want to go. i want to go there very much, though i know i will be stuck and doing nothing there. maybe lee yeung will like help me to start the conversation. =) i hope i will remember him always... my current situation doesn't allow me to go. and this is the first time [think so] , that i wanted to go somewhere but i can't. no grounded or anything. just that i dun want to spend money. so now.. is it to me, money is more important that friendship. i'm just wondering... and wondering how am i going to be when i grow up. a person full of regrets, jealous of people when i see them together. try to break them up, hate everything. end up going to jail. who knows? i just hope not. anyway, who who who can i tell? it's just so difficult to kai kou... and tell who? lee yeung? but i doubt he can't do much also though i think that he really care abt me. and i hope it's really true...
happy valentine day.
and hapi bday to valentina.

went ta give out flyers today. i was late.. anyway, after that. i was in major stoning. i queue at the wrong bus lane. i got down at the wrong stop. my right foot hurts. but my left foot is alright. the arch of my right leg hurts. the arch in the shoes is so hard and so high, applying so much pressure on the arch of the right foot. now i know why people wear the shoes undone, cos it's more comfortable that way. look at nike shoes. seldom people do that. or am i wrong? except those nike air force high and nike dunk high then i got nothing to say la. usually adidas shoelace so thick and big one ma. anyway, i shld not complain la. cos is i want to buy the shoes one ma, somemore cheap. just hope somehow after walking awhile more or trying to squeeze the shoes in between the edge of staircase and my leg to make the thing go down down down. jia wang is in china liao. wonder how is he. sure enjoying one... anyway, i dunno whether i shld go give out the flyers again on mon. it's valentine's day. yes, i do not have a date and stuff. sigh. but i just dun want to do work. today, the thought of her, jernan[ i dunno why] and joyce motivated me. well, i hope it's that way. and one day, i will make it big. to show it to everyone. and hope i will be able to share my joy with everyone too, esp her.

went read her blog. she didn't write new entries. wonder how she is now? she seems blur blur de.. the last tag she tagged in the doggleboard. 'new year le?' what's supposed to mean? anyway, yesterday, i had a dream ba. i not sure is it a dream also. but i remember i thought of her. and adidas shoes also. i think most probably is superstar ba. i really can't remember liao...

during the first day of new year, i watched show on chnl 8. all those shows really show me what true love is. i hope i can be them. esp louis koo[ i have e same surname as him, and i like him too. i think he and thomas ong have the super boyish look alike face lor. i like.. handsome sia].. but if i were in his shoes in that show, i wouldn't know what to do also. but he broken his promise to the main actress[ is she maggie cheung? she's pretty. weeeeeeeeeeeee. wee.] cos there's still lust in him. only after that he realised that she loved him so much. i dunno why girls so wei da... and guys are always not the faithful one.. and i'm a guy myself..

hmm, the show that alec su acted in.. i like the attitude of the elder bro. and i hope to have his attitude, except not to learn bad and join traid society...
oh ya, the way my uncle sleeps is very very scary. it's like every millisecond he sleep, we worry for him. his snore is so loud that the whole house could hear it. but the point is, actually he breathe with his mouth. that's why. his whole stomach will suck up and suck down. like how the way u get punched in the stomach.. it's like having breathing difficulty when he sleeps and he actually dun know that... actually, he knows it. but he din want to go see the doctor. it's sooo scary. he's one of the uncle i like and can talk to most of the time. other is like always wan to win de, show u that they're better than u in everyway. esp soccer also want to win. ya, cos they bet ma. so they surely know more. i dun really watch soccer for the past few years liao lor..

well. second day of new year. and my parents are not too happy. i hope they dun quarrel soon. partly becos we came back at 4am yesterday cos my mum helped my grandmother to pray, my siblings' undone homework [ now just finished] and money problem...
and less than 5mins ago, my dad received a call from my paternal aunt. call us that they are going to have dinner soon. and their house is in the east lor. no that they dunno we're always late de. i know it's rude. but it's a part of us in my family liao. haha. well, being the eldest in the paternal family does have some pressure and i hate it. damn, later they will ask me about my result liao. wad am i supposed to say? money money money. sometimes i really wished i was in those third world country, they're so happy even without money. so carefree. so lively. no trouble. know what true love is. and wun betray anyone or anything becos of money.

i hope she is alright.

hmm. i like the song that is being played in jane's blog. it's very nice. and the lyrics quite meaningful.. at least for all those i meaning to chase the meaning. i wonder who sings that song. i doubt that it's not yanzi ba.. this song makes me have mixed feeling. being cared/loved and vice versa. anyway, happy lunar new year to everyone.

*-msx.rosy `_我 想 和 你 *[一 起 ] -- [ x ]



*-msx.rosy `_ *[] --[x] says:

going to play soccer soon. i'm quite reluctant go cos i have to wear shorts and show my ugly legs on the bus. there's stubble already. and another reason is because she's online now. her nick is 'wo xiang he ta x [ yi qi ] '. she loves bougie. i wonder who is he/she. i hope she's not that pissed already. how i wished i'm in nan chaiu high. then can go chinese new year eve celebration in sch and see her. talking abt it, i wondering who's going back. and shld i wear jeans if i go back. then i will not have enough jeans liao. anyway, i think i should get going already. hope she will enjoy today and tmr cos tmr they will have idg outing. and if i go compass point. i hope to see them. but i doubt so, as i will be at home since i bought my shoes.

yes, i bought the shoes myself with my bro. the first pair of shoes i bought myself without my mum. and this is the first pair of adidas footwear i bought. yes, it's quite flat inside. and rather cheap. so i bought it. i just had to pay $2 more. heh. soooo good. it's adidas court supreme M. white/aluminium color. at first, i hope that it was a multi purpose shoes as it has the word 'court' in the shoes ma. how i know turn out to be a tennis shoes. but then the box state it's 'lifestyle' category. i begin to like white shoes. i duno why. it's already been like that since i bought the nike air force one. air force one production already been stopped i heard from the shop salesperson. and nike terminator low is in trend now. anyway, i can wait for wear my new pair of shoes and spoil it by playing soccer. =X haha.

i dunno whether i'm missing her or thinking of her. i'm confused.

paul wai finally have a handphone. though not colour one, but then it's still good. at least he's happy. and then i find him very good. the part is that he doesn't have a hp but he didn't care if he was like being extra or what.. so now with a hp, life will be different for him. i wondering whether rosanne working today anot. cos she was online at 3+pm ba...

i didn't know i was using adult fare till kevin mentioned it just now. the sp open house trip was wasted. went there but didn't even ask anything. actually, i think their main aim is to go there to eat at the fast food restaurent. and we did. after roaming around, we went back. when i reached queensway, i started to replied joyce's sms. i should have done that earlier. she didn't reply back. i hate it when i just want to sms, but then something irritates me. and the orginal meaning of what i wanted to reply back is gone. i hate it. why can't my brain just remember all those things. i hate it that i just can't reply her back when i was in sp with alex they all. didn't want them to know and i feel so 'extra' smsing. everything was wasted today. queensway, there's no size of the shoes i want. the color i want isn't there. went back to shop then funan. it's the same old thing. nothing much. i just topped up my card less than 3days ago. now i spend abt $7+ on travelling. that is infuriating. went youth park. it was alright la. wasn't that bored. but i dunno why they say it's bored. anyway, i almost was unfaithful to rosanne. lucky, i saw the guy with the girl. so i assume they're bg/gf. ok.. dun talk abt this le.. later i keep thinking..
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i'm still thinking what to blog. at the same time thinking abt the girl liao. she from np one.
damn.
digress.
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ahh. i dunno why cheeheng is like that. not 'bu shang' him. just that there's always chance for him to show concern for her. but he didn't make use of the chance. i know kevin is angry with chee heng, cos it was open to public. but we paid $15 to watch it. ok, i share the $15 with kevin. but chee heng paid the most. 7 tickets. cos of her.... i pity him. but then... ok, i have no say.
i know he meant well for ginnie. at least it was for the tsunami fund... so i'm not that angry or what. in fact i'm not. just hope i did a very very duper small part though we got goodie bag. hah.

stupid brain. i still abit thinking of the girl. but she looks familiar and stuff. but is not shu hui from yzutld. funny..
i need to see my collection of her pic liao.
where's the 1/2yr i stated in the blog. it isn't a week yet.
i admire ed...
shitified me.
ok, i just ranting away again. ignore me.
aiya, bye. talking to forewall.

i'm wearing a pair of jeans now. it's so uncomfortable. now i know why pple wear baggy instead of just fitting jeans. it's so tight. and if i get a wedgie, it's so difficult for me.. unless i go to the toilet. and that sucks. cos it takes up alot of time. and i think i know why the other pair cost $10 more. cost it's in original blue. and abit white.. faded in the centre in a line. aiya, i dunno how to say la. but then it's like it looks nicer. i like that color. i thought of wearing it just now. but then cos i wore this black one already, and it's sweeping the dirty floor. how can i put this pair back into the closet? hipsters are not so comfortable after all. but the normal type look awkward. cos it will make the butt look big and out of shape... eeeeeeeeee.....
if i get a pair of shoes, i will wear that pair of jeans maybe on sat. not too sure. see how first. and it's time to wear all my new clothing. next wed is new year. weeeeeeeeeeee. time to collect ang bao. but it will be all reuturned to carlvin kor kor. i wish they could sell a pair of white/white nike dunk low for like $90+ . and i will buy it. *prays*

the virus thing is gone. phew... anyway, i regretted one thing i do. i always regretted the things i did. lucky, only my right leg is shaved. there's so many ingrown hair. and cuts and scars, i did the some ingrown so that the hair can be pluck, it's so painful now. and it looks like mosquitos' bites. so i have to wear jeans later. second time i wear le... haha. i'm forced. can show my legs already for maybe a month. to let the hair grow back. yes, i feel so gay now. esp when i touch my leg. disgusted. hai.. i just hope the hair grown back can already. dun really care whether it's curly a not. hope the hair will be straight though. anyway, i cut my hair yesterday. and on sunday, i saw mr. soh kok meng at bt.purmei. haha. i still miss her. i wonder whether did i pass the so called virus thing to her. i'm worried she will be mad with me. sooon.. sat, i will have work to do again. hurray. but then i must save it up to return carlvin kor kor. and help to pay the car also. it cost $800+. more $300+ more than i thought. shit. arrrrrrrrh. i can feel my thighs pain also. cos there's ingrown also. hai... poor me. i wonder in future, if my girlfriend will mind me anot. i'm like metrosexual. worse than backham. at least beckham still got hair...
why can i always do the right thing.
i hope later go queensway, i can buy the shoes i like. with a lower price. *prays*
it will be weird going sp with jeans and slippers.
yesterday, i think is rosanne off day. hope she did enjoy her day.
okie.. i go liao. i'm going to be late.

i've got virus i think. i hope rosanne didn't accept the file. i shldn't have accepted ziyu file's in the first place. shit. i thnk many pple will kill me le. i can't sign in into msn. i really hope she didn't accept the file. i just sms her. really hope nth will happen. i hate virus. they suck. fuck the virus-er... i'm so fucking pissed. how am i going to apologise to everyone. lucky, there's not much people in msn. fuck fuck fuck fuck...

i was in teenfx. and after reading some post. i just put some toothpaste on the big cyst on my right cheek. wooooooooo.... it's so hot. cos it's colgate whitening. maybe it will help whiten my skin. lol. i like the feeling. cos it's hot, means its fighting the bacteria. killing all the 'bad pple' in my skin. they're having war right now. so it's abit pain, that's why that spot is feeling 'hot'. haha. i always believe in pain. cos means the good and bad is fighting. same to muscles. if it's not pain, means it's not growing. not stretch to its max. but too much pain will hurt very badly. i din go down and help for like a week already or maybe more? when is wei xiong going to call me. i need to work work work to earn the money to pay carlvin kor kor back.
i'm also wondering whether she have knocked off already. hope she had a good day. and her new supervisor is a good one, just like baluku..

i just cleared my hotmail inbox. and i think i just deleted a email from jamie yeo. that mail was in my 'junk mail' section. so without thinking even a second, i emptied everything. only to realise that maybe that's jamie yeo's mail to me. well, i hope not.
hmm,why she will email me leh? cos i made a dedication and shun bian ask her to email me lor.
though i know that's like impossible cos she's a celebrity? must have privacy.
i wondered whether did she read out the dedication just now about 8+-10, cos i didn't listen to radio. was watching tv.
huan le tian feng is so funny. was laughing like mad.
oh yes, i forgot to declare. i love carrie chong's voice. it was so a long ago thing. haha. her voice rocks. and she's sweet.
i'm wondering whether is she asleep now. or she's still vexed about her troubles. i hope not. i still think of her. and open up my phone whenever i wanted to see her...

i like carolyn kepcher... after watching apprentice yesterday night. my crush came back again or sth like that. she's married. hoho..... this is mad.
just wondering. nat worked today, means she didn't go to sch? pon? nvm.
shit. i dunno what to say. i was pigging out when i was about to blog, suddenly i wonder. what's her ambition. i have changed my hp wallpaper too.
the funniest thing is , when my mum saw that. she said that is yanzi. i was like ???. or maybe she's pretending. oh well, i hope she will know that's not yanzi but her after my bro took my hp cos i wanted to take zilian pic. didn't expect him to open my phone. lucky, my mum didn't have much reaction. ok, boring entry...

i'm damn late.... not my mum's fault though. it's my. but if she wants to cook for bro and sis, why don't she tell me earlier. later some of them leaving at 11am, play what soccer? how am i going to ask the loan from ivan or carlvin kor kor if i'm already late. i will take at least 1/2hr to reach there. plus, the car's brake is spoilt. how to speed? this is shit..

2 person bday today. my sis and chee heng. well, nothing much. i was alone again till yong kai and yong geng comes. yong kai is really good... i wish we can be best of friends or at least friend with him forever. he's way tooo goood. anyway, cos it was mostly chee heng's class people, so quite isolated la. bought him a rip curl metal bottle anyway. cos i wun know whether i have the money to treat him the next time. oh yes, i accidently touched clarecia just now. it wasn't on purpose. i hope she dun think it that i purposely do that. and hate me even more. at least, i have a line conversation with her.
"sorry.."
"it's ok."
that was the conversation. in english. hoho. ok.
actually, i din know why suddenly i thought of rosanne out of sudden, when yong kai comes. cos he talked to me and make me feel that i'm not an extra. just as the thought of having him as a friend forever, rosanne appeared. well, i hope to keep it this way. though i had thought of clarecia for few mins just now.
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yes, i hope rosanne is asleep now already. she blogged the last entry in idg's blog. i assume she's going to quit her job soon or is it her contract is over? thinking back, i think that was just another entry she blogged thinking of the future.
the o's result which is most probably released on 25feb will be the present for my birthday.. i just hope i get 15. then go poly or jc. wonder where rosanne will go...
i wished i can grow up real soon. so that i can help her ease her pain or sth like that. i hope i can be like ed. or maybe she will choose him rather than me. i dunno. i'm ugly now. i have no money to go for anything... hai.
i wonder shld i borrow money from carlvin kor kor... $200. i decided not to buy any shoes le ba. unless someone is willing to pay for me except my parents. the $200 is for the vehicle maintainence[ it that how u spell it?]. after chiense new year, i can return him back the money... from the hong bao, and the work i will be doing this work. most probably tmr i hope.
ok, i think i go slp le. was awaken by my dad. this entry was supposed to blog abt her de. now i'm ranting away. damn. soccer later... hope i have the energy to play. yes, i'm going to trim my hair. everyone says it's long.
thinking of her face now. ha.

hwlr...

i think i having a crush on rosanne... it's like she's not that pretty after i saw the pic. but then it's like after i saw her display pic. she's like so pretty.. i dunno la... anyway, i hope to maintain this crush for 1/2 yr. i dun ambitious first. slowly then increase... i hope.. pls.. oh well, i think looks dun really bother me as much as in the past.. and i'm chatting with her now. wondering why she took so long to reply. but nvm. i'm happppppppieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....................
i want to follow that guy that likes her for so long. his name is ed.. if i'm not wrong. didn't ask her abt him though. cos later she' will be stressed or sad.
her pic is so nice. well, she's not totally angel though. haha. she just replied. hope i just dun screw up this conversation....
she go and slp le....
i hope that she is willing to let me lend her my shoulders. i really hope this feeling won't fade away. and i will grow taller and more handsome to suit her.

well, i try to recall every single word i thought of... cos only at that moment. my brain/mind is full of thoughts. full of that. when it comes to blogging or writing, it just stop. i dun feel true. my personal diary has just like 5 entries? haha. well, i know if i dun say anything out, no one is able to help. and in my mind now, i'm wondering how jw and wx feel. it's just shit. well, maybe i have a blog just hoping that i wil get someone's attn. but now i know, i feel that what jernan said on friendster is right. i dun think nothing last forever. anything. everything. pple do betray themselves.

well, i just rejected jiawang and weixiong to go swimming. they have changed it to the afternoon. i think most probably for me. or maybe not. i'm going to play soccer later though. not really wanting to go is because, i want to read every entry rosanne blog in her's and her friend blog... just want to know more abt her. but then i dunno what's the use. i dun see her real life, just online. and i know i'm not a good chatter online. maybe jw and wx is angry is me. not too sure. but how can i like stop worrying and think that they're not angry with me. if they are, maybe i shld treat them to a meal? this idea just struck on me. however, it's again like making use of money to cover every single shit. i've become a worst person...

today was tiring. and i pissed rosanne off i supposed. i dunno what's wrong with me. joyce was the day before. moodanfeb hates me now. cos i dun want to open hp line for her. but i dunno her at all. well, maybe i'm just a selfish bastard. i dunno. i'm tired. i have a feeling that this part of me will follow me till poly or even an adult. maybe it's fated. maybe before was just part of a happy memory that i didn't cherish. all i want now is to turn back time... everything will be different. i wished i was a baby again... i hate it... i'm trying so hard but to no avail... well, maybe i'm self-pitying myself. such a loser. pple who read this. pls comment. to wake me up. to curse me. to praise me. to do anything to me. change my life.

i'm just wondering who will read it. haha. cos i din give anyone my address at all.
i dun seem that sad now that i'm blogging. and i dun feel like blogging anymore. i just cant write to express myself when i'm sad. no one can really understand me anymore.

com got virus. o's is halfway thru. haha. i communicate thru sms now. so byebye.. haha.