i dont mean to be a spoilsport but it's just not me. ok, i think it's mostly my own fault. we're late and going to get scolded later. yeah.

i wonder how a friendship that is so close 10 years ago will become like that. i feel weird telling him so many things right now on msn. i dont wanna disturb him but i can't stop saying things vaguely because he needs to sleep now and i dont think he will understand too. i'm missing you right now. the days we study, eat, play together even though we are in different class.

we still see each other and play soccer together but why it feels so different?

rape me.

good night.

it's rare that these things in my mind won't affect me in sleeping but i'm trying to make myself not to sleep by thinking and thinking even though i can't think.

so different from what i experience most nights in the past.

alot of thoughts was running through my mind while i was on my way back home on the bus.

great to have people who are concerned about me. i should appreciate it much more but i still feel like i'm forever a small boy to everyone. i got to admit i still don't know alot about how the socialising thing works, what drinks are offered in club, what is spirits, housepour, draught.

what is what? how do you know if you're concern or you are just doing what you should do? when someone go missing, you will want to know where they go at that instant. you will want to contact them. but if you do that, they might think you thought they can't take care of themselves. but if you do that, you will feel more at ease. so what is what? what should you do?

maybe i should take up dancing lessons.

should i just retreat back and try to live and achieve the lifestyle i believe in which doesn't involve socialising. or does this means i'm a coward or loser or failure or stubborn mule who doesn't want to change, afraid of failure? they say there should be a balance in everything. so for instance, should you try sex/smoke?
just like partying late at night, i believe it's not good for the long run. because i can't adapt to changes fast. a loser. but to some others, it's fun or is it the way of socialising, networking, building friendship, enjoyment.

my english is so broken, people might misunderstand what i mean or might be able to know what i am saying. this is actually for myself to read, but i guess it's wont be because it's on the net.

showing my vulnerabilities to the whole wide world is a stupid thing to do but i believe as long i'm willing to admit my weaknesses and change, i won't need to be afraid.

i'm just typing for the sake of typing cos i always do not have the feel once i get of the bus. but there is no use cos ........... it can go on and on... and no one will know what i am talking because most people, my friends or army mate do not understand what i say most of the time cos they cant find any link.

bye bye.

happy bday js.

don't know what to talk about today.

quite some time back, one of my army mate used my account to add him cos he saw giselle's photo.

watching manchester united vs bayern munich match makes me so wanna play soccer again. but i cant do that competitively.

as most of us grow up, i realised all we want are the simpler things in life. how ironic. but i'm still chasing materialism cos it is essential to survive before i can get true happiness.

looking at caiyu's photo cheers me up cos she is so adorable when she is happy. the one with her hugging the robinsons bag with her motuh wide open when kimwei told her he's giving her for no terms and condition.

i don't know what i live for. lost all the zest of life. seriously, when will i ever get 'enlighten' and live life to the fullest.

recently, i unknowingly literally feel my heartbeat pumping. felt like i was going to die anytime today while doing a pathetic 4.5km which i walk-jog. i wonder if i will really die of heart attack.

i don't know why do i feel tired everyday. how can people take things lightly while i take every single thing so seriously. ok, i hope i wont start thinking again and i can't get to sleep.

if i care for myself, sleep at the same time during the weekends, i will not have any friends anymore. but if i stay up till so late at night, my sleeping time will be screwed cos i take so a very long time to adapt. tried to sleep before 11pm for two days and knock out immediately but it still doesnt help.

i hate everything. sometimes i hope i just die. sometimes i think of wei ru and i feel like a failure. bye.

with about 3+months left in my service, i just got to know my pes status is a temperory oneonly yesterday and now i might be pes b. wow. amazing.

surfing facebook makes me feel like i'm missing out so much in life cos everyone is going for overseas trip. i dont feel so envious of them as before. maybe i've grown up a little. got to take things in my stride. then again, i wish i can learn more things from each other but it's so difficult.

i dont know how i feel and how can i help others.

instead, it's the other way round cos most people is helping me most of the time. non-applicable to camp mates though.

sometimes, i'm glad i'm 'emotionless' but it is not good cos no matter how hard i try, i can feel the same as the rest.

good night. hope tmr is a new start for everyone surrounding me.

god please bless everyone and help save me to not waste my time in camp waiting for time to pass everyday trying hard not to fall asleep and get reprimanded everyday.

i need someone to teach me how to make unit trust or bond investment cos i dont really understand even though i read it on the internet.