Some people have stretch mark on their body, some have chickpox scar,etc some are so brave to wear two piece, some wear skimpy trunks. I still find them sexy and for the guys alright... But I just can't accpet myself to be less than perfect. Or am I too horny that almost every lady 'look attractive'. No offence evon, I don't't mean you're just one of the girls but you're more than an eye-candy. I don't need to be perfect now, I just want to be normal and not ugly but some thins done can't be undone unless I have lots of money to go operation. My legs and thighs which are my only assets are ruined by me. I really hate myself. Who really like me? I'm not handsome neither am I smart or rich. Now you got to have at least 2 of the 3 to survive. It's so difficult to even feel good. Bye.

Writing it down here that evon is kinda of attractive in her wet spag/shorts and dressing today. Kinda like very casual young girl and I like the denim shorts the most cos of the stars design at the back pocket. Xd don't kill me okay.

Two of my superiors bday fall on the same day as me. So there's 6 person I know who share e same bday as me. I couldn't fall asleep yesterday and kept waking up every few hours. I thought of mich, evon, yc. I just realised my english grammar sucks becaue I don't know is it wake up every few hour or wake up every few hours. Diving is so tiring. I feel like sleeping now but I scared I can't sleep tonight. I can feel the after effect of staying in the sun and now I'm sunburn. My face is starting to get red. I feel so ugly now even though there is so many people who saw my scars and ugly tan though they didn't talk about it. I think even if I prositute myself for 25dollars, no one will even want to f me. How pathetic a useless male horny slut I can be. Sometimes I wonder how some people can have such nice figure even though they don't have to exercise much like mich and kw. I scared I might get slapped or scolded and might embarrass someone if I said it face to face to her in front of others so I'm writing it down here that u're kinda

Just came back from the market after having shredded chicken porridge. Walked around for abt 20mins. There's such a big crowd. Some of the children are helping out. It's so nice to see that. Being a housewife is not easy. Gotta wake up so early and do marketing before 6.30am. Then I thoguht how nice will it be if I go do marketing with my partner in future, cook together eat together. Just the basic. There's so many essential thing to do in life but I always wanted to achieve more than just marketing, being happy, etc. Cos this is a real wordl. Money counts. Those food sellers are just part of the society, not to be look down upon but they don't earn much. Saw dad at e market too, his grey hair triggered how much he've aged... More than my mum. I want to dabble in stock to earn money. I eed advice on what shld I study in uni. I need to know my passion, but I don't. I love myself too much that I wanna stay in my comfort zone but once my parents leave, I'm worse than anyone who is struggling to earn a living, why is angelina jolie earning so much when she is not that pretty. But she's very charming and so much she's done for the third world country. I'm dfirting out of topic I can't rememeber what I wanna say initially. I know that I hope you're doing fine right now even if u don't want to reply my email. I'm done with my constipation now. Shall try to go back to sllep. Tc all.

Hope you girls enjoy your movie later and have a good heart to heart talk. Tc ps... I've not mood to do my physio exercises today. Perhaps gd night? Anyway, local uni application is on till 21feb. Perhaps I'll update again tmr.

My laptop broke down abt 3weeks ago so I seldom use the net so frequent. There's so many things to say. But... Ok. I'll be happy for u if u passed your driving today or ytd. Evon thx for your comment. I was surprised that someone commented on my blog. Thx annoymous. Whoever u are for the article that I just read. Maybe u can email me and tell me who u are, I'll be v grateful. My heart sank when I read it just now. I always thought I've irritated her so shw don't wanna reply to my emails or messages. My heart sank I didn't know what to do but I know now that it's more of a concern for someone than 'love". I still envy her. I'm not as "worried" or keep thinking abt her. I just hated myself for being selfish and only thinking abt myself. I keep asking yong zhen if he have mild seven cos its the pack that she posted on her blog. Its in my conscious though I never think of her so much. Coincidentally, I wrote her name down during the seminar course just now. But its not love I don't know what. Ok I'm ranting again.