Happy birthday yvonne, connie jie jie and felicia and god bless all. I'm listening to love song by sara ???? Now. So cool. Gonna walk the whole amk hub now. See ya.

I'm at ang mo kio hub now after visit causeway point. Kinda happy when I reach here but the feel is gone. I saw ying jia's friend elaine twice less than 5mins ago. Haha. Too bad I don't have twitter and bolackberry curve 3G sucks.

i am all complain and no action. so i lose most thing.

dangerous world. diffffernt. selfishness. sherlock holmes is so good. smart yet emotionless guy. watson is better but how many of us can be like him. he is jude law.


ok. i am back to my old self. i jsut want to grumble to the royal rumble and tumble all the bummers.

fine young man... hahaha.

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20091227/tap-yachting-australia-record-5a1703c.html

what a brave girl.



everyday was fun since christmas except for yesterday when i got kind of moody and today.

i cant wait to finish my service and then probably rot and die somewhere else far far away. struggling and alll.

then again i am sure i will be regretting why didnt i spend my time wisely and not give up so easily.

well. screw it.

u can drive illegally , jsut dont get caught. if not cycle.

msn,yahoo news, blog, girls, boys, then the cycle repeat.

swimming, flu, sleep, bored, run, think, irritated, then the cycle repeat.

how do you earn lots of money?

no one will help you if you dont help yourself. no one cares.

even those who care cant really help.

bye.

my sis is helping out as a rep, and i knwo its not easy. but i didnt give up much help yet give her the cant be bothered attitude. still talk to her, but dont care enough because i'm so caught up with myself. it is the thought that counts. sometimes i dislike giving presents or receiving present.

why cant we jsut be happy and dispense with the formality?

can there be still be surprises and fun without monotony?

being too happy and then you feel so alone the next day sucks. i dont want to dampen my sec sch friends later, i still look forward to it but i dont know what i can do or buy or ???? to make it more happening and lively later. i feel so tired now but i want to go swim. but i wont be sleeping much tonight i supposed. i feel wierd my family is not celebrating. and guilty.

what is life?
what shld i do?

i am a happy boy today because xmas is so good just now. i can say i'm truly happy though still bothered (but not as much as before). this is more the real me though it is attention seeking. or if i have offended anyone, i'm sorry.

how i wish i can hang out with chee heng deborah kevin eugene ivan, etc like that and play some card games, etc. it will be fun.

i like yingjia shoes and match with her ali baba bottom. so nice. her shoes is better though. so prettty.

i can't wait for tomorrow 2/6 peeps. hotel stay, cool. it is like something i always wanted. how i wish all of my friends know each other and i own a 5000sqft 3 storey bungalow with a fireplace heater and lots of snow outside. and a few organiser to help me cos i dont know how to organiser and it is super tired to do so.

but i wish i can spend more such time with my family. mum is so i dont know what to say. i scare i will be unfilial. female are so powerful being, their love transcend everything. i hope i wont screw up if i get married some day.

i cant really get to sleep because i dont know who i can really share my joy with right now and i really need to get it out of my chest. i know mum is happy for me, but she is different. now i know how it sucks to be lonely, you dont need to be in love but you need a v good friend whom u know you can tell everything and it comfortable with you plus the feel/chemistry.

hope i dont fall sick. i seems to have recover but i can feel fever is coming.

i wanna make my eyebrow, i wanna wax my legs because its becoming like a monster, so ugly, so unsightly stubble. lucky i'm a guy. but my mum says that is not manly and gayish so no girl will like me. so many regrets and mistake.

i hope everyone had fun just now.

gd night.

hope i wont fall any sicker during this season. god bless all.

merry xmas! :)

shopping is fun and nostalgia, but not alone or in a big group. i realised i will only buy things while shopping on my own, not in a big group.

hope someday i will get acquainted to rachel tan. i saw someone like her just now but i didnt know if it was her. you can imagine how freaking scary it is when someone approach you(you're not a celebrity) and know so much abt you when you know nothing about him. i'm glad i didnt do that. i became a muddlehead after that such that i didnt know how to get out of ngee ann city to the bus stop. i can visualise watching netball matches with her till old. ok, i digressed.

kids are cute. i still like the 1.5yr old caucasian boy whom i saw yesterday. kim wei can witness that. isnt he cute? so big and adorable.

ok. shout out to chee heng though you dont know that my blog exists. i love you. i hope i dont scare you by being so enthusiastic just now. patient,melvin. baby steps are needed to forge back the old r/s.

sorry, i recognise you because you look like gwen stefani with red lipstick on, not cos of your acting talent. you are one of the few ladies who look so good with red lipstick. i feel like watching girl interrupted again and take more notice on you. rip brittany murphy.

second day, way to go. :)

i am glad that * confided in me though i have no experience at all or is giving some bullshit advice. i'm thankful that u trust me so much even though we seldom talk or meet up. i wont judge you, at least for now because i know who you are.

matters of heart are so complicated. i'm glad i am not totally into it. i still prefer soccer, alot of ME time, want ot learn scuba diving, do bungee jump, travel alone, but of cos i yearn to find the other significant half.

am i just selfish or socially awkward when i dont ask people to try my food first. is that a social etiquette or i am real screwed up? perhaps i still havent learn how to share my love. perhaps i need to learn to love myself much more first.

ok. the last paragraph was redundant cos it is crap and unncessary. i just need to type it out. at least i recognise what is truthful and what is not.

i want to get to know p better for it is something... i recognise i shldnt be typing here as it will be redudant and not truthful but back to my old self.

it is tiring to initiate a convo and i think iwas given many chances. need to learn how to sustain a topic. i got to try harder... esp with the boys cos i just cant do anything when i see them. i envy a sometimes. cos he can liven up the atmosphere and not scare to make a fool out of himself. is it my ego or i just dont want others to look at the 'bad' side of me?

ok. bye. i am being back to my oldself again so i shall stop here and end my conversation with z on msn and go to sleep. hope tmr will be a better day. i am so dead now that i am left with less than 7hrs of slp, hope i wun be shag later. no excuses not to try harder even if i dont succeed. shall slp not later than 12am tmr night.

it was that day that i spent it with chee heng, kevin, deborah and ivan made me feel the need to change. to be closer to friends and all.

i restrained myself on weds but it just came back on thurs. i guess i'll take it slowly but steadily one thing at a time.

probably thursday is the 'last workday' of the year, i went to camp happily(one of the very rare times) despite having to wake up earlier waiting in the rain to pass yong zhen his camp pass though he was slightly late. it just happeneed that all the older songs that i like was playing when i was on the bus and it lived up my mood. i didnt have to act and enjoyed the music then i started to think of my life, friends. chee heng/deborah, kevin, ivan, eugene, jiayi, grace , kim wei, mich, evon, xiaode, chin wei, 2/6 pple as a whole, what i wanna do, etc.

i dreamt of rosanne on weds night. it is kind of silly how i try to go to espirit just to hope to see her there during poly days and when i tried to get julian hee signature for her when he was there in the shop. we seldom talk now. i think she is still atteched now.

there is this blog i wanan share though there is this saga abt her going on. she is very attractive and her character really shines out. i have been reading it since yesterday.
http://daphneiking.blogspot.com

i hope xmas is good and i can spend lots of time with my friends and family and still get to do what i like best. hopefully life will be better for family when i finish ns.

god bless all.

i need change. to do something. slowly but surely. hopefully.

been receiving inspirational quotes everyday (free service by M1).

the difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not lack of knowldege, but rather a lack in will - vince lombardi

was happy yesterday. the feeling with chee heng , kevin, deborah and ivan is totally different. its so fun but i still think and feel that i am extra. they make me feel welcomed but...... perhaps i'm thinking too much.

i need a restraining order from blogging or msn messenger and i wonder who can help me.

what she said made sense but i do always ignore what she said and dont put it into action. and she started to ask me to be honest with myself. am i really honestlying willing to change or am i just bluffing myself? now she knows part of the reason is to get away from camp. so what's next? how do i forgo everything and start afresh? feels like a loser though i am already am at the losing end for the past 6 yrs.

beatrice tan seems so nice and perfect. i wonder how can she be her when there is so many distractions. admire her.

bye before i talk shit again. ok, i did amend a few sentences and talked shit.

couples retreat was good. i always dig such romance movies.
i'll definitely want to watch valentines' day cos there is julia roberts, jennifer garner, jessica alba, ashton kutcher, topher grace and many more.

aspire to be like jennifer garner and ben affleck, gwen stefani and gavin rossdale. or perhaps i will never be.


i think acting shld be fun, but i'm not trained in it and i think i view it different from those hollywood actors/actresses. i respect them.

outfield with reservists was fun/sucky/etc.
they freaking camo super fast, do everything super fast.
i cant imagine gg thru that for another 10yrs.
reading kw's blog but too stone to really fully understand or doubt i will ever understand.
xd reminded me of stargirl.
and then it reminds me of yc not replying to my emails anymore.

went shopping with sis and am glad she is beginning to learn how to dress up and all. how excited she was when she like that fox dress thingy. but it is just too exp. glad for her. and when i see the shirts, it reminded me of yc.

havent read sec sch friendsb lolg yet. it seeems that i dont read blog often anymore neither do i update. good or bad.

moleskine but i dont know if it helps me or my penned up feelings will not work after few months becuase there isn o one to talk to.

disappear seems good becuase i dont feel that i have anyone even if they say till will be there for me cos i dont think i will even be there for myself. crazy.

starting afresh is best. sonija kwok is so pretty. i like her character in walk on the beat. i like doesnt mean that i can get. cos it is a preference. everything will be different if i am not competent.

oh well, i jsut wanna do what i want.. as in enjoy what i am doing, have enough to survive. then start to earn abit more. and hope everything will go smoothly. first step is hard. enjoy what i do. be happy.

ok. gotta stop cos i jsut realised pple will be reading and so i am going to start my shit. bye. sleep now to replenish the lsot of sleep the past 4 days.

oh yes, some reservists guy are hot and cute and nice. like wow esp that young lieutanant. i got his number when he called me to run errand but i havent save. wow. ok, i sound super gay now.

bye.