i wanna buy many pairs of shoes.

onitsuka tiger corsair blue/red/white
adidas vespa white/white
adidas harvard black/white
new balance 1500 white/beige
that pig lining puma shoes i saw beside ngee ann city stadium shop
nike air trainer III blue/white!
nike air yeezy!
nike lunar trainer

and many more! but i cant remmeber them for now or totally cannot afford to buy.
gotta research for formal shoes and running shoes.


oh so high. imagine i wear different shoes on every saturday. it's like for about 1/6 of the year i will be wearing differnet pair of shoes. how cool is that?! wow. time to sleep. i'm totally have a girly side. i love shoes.

shit! i have accidentally click and read part of the unread email xiaode send me regarding the request to felicia chin from him to wish me on my bday two years ago. now i cannot undo the email to unread status! i'm so so so ... first time in the entire two years i have never had the intention to read that email. it was meant to be a surprise forever! how can it happen now.. argh. i am so dumbfounded. ok, time to sleep. i have been offline on msn for an hour reading postsecret and bloggig again.

postsecret




-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, January 25, 2009 8:28 PM
Subject: I feel like you don't want me to know anything about you.

He didn't want to know anything about me because it changed the perfect image he had in his mind of what i should be. so I left him and found someone who likes the flaws.

you know you are not very down to earth person when you do not want to do such job but still get triggered by:

female sales assistant in far east plaza

male assistant in left foot

perm staffs in giordano


i respect them. life is totally not easy.
when i'm worried about being stagnant, fat, or what's not. i'm sure others will also feel the same way. they still take things in their stride. i wonder where do they get such confidence or is it only on the surface?

ok, i'm only on the surface with no substance. i'm f-ed.

i ran yesterday evening. it didn't help me to sleep better. how weird. i slept from 11-3+am and i couldn't fall asleep anymore. now i'm feeling so tired. there is run again later. i know i'm going to be pek cek. should i let it happen? whenever i want to start something good. something always screw up. i can't get enough rest anymore if i can't come back home on thursday.

i wanna blast some loud music now. ok, i'm kind of late. bye.

god bless all.

i am like so high now cos i'm looking at miss selfridge website. hohoho. the clothes are so nice. i wanna be a girl!

changeling
seven pounds
passengers
the reader
the curious case of benjamin button
underworld: rise of the lycans
the wrestler
the woman


i bet anne hatahway is super rich now. she is like starring in every movie.

today's weather is very good to spend it outdoors wiht your love ones. but i dunno what to do.

and i really like ying jia. her 'ah lian of a kind' photo inside facebook. oh so pretty and cool, if i'm her bf i will feel so good. tatoo and sheesha! double combo!but i dunno how to sustain a conversation with for long. ah. ok, she just signed out. want also cannot talk already.

how weird i thought of yj and mich the last two days too. new zealand. wow. so cool.

ok i know nothing and act as if i know everything sometimes. so now i know its my 'retribution' when people laugh at me. its so sad when you are lousy/ugly/or whatever. trying to learn is always not easy. crap. i dont have innate talent.

i'm feeling so disappointed with myself right now! i send bday greetings to yc at the wrong day. i'm so sad. i think i made a fool out of myself but she still appreciate it. she's such a nice person/blogger.

i think my only resolution now is to be less vuglar and not throw tantrum at my mum. less than 5 vulgar words from my mouth when i'm not working. how weird i do not sprout any vuglarity during work. maybe is my skeleton in the closet. kind of f up. i wonder if my future partner is like my mum... ah. anyway, it doesnt matter cos sooner or later she will leave me if i continue to f up. i jsut read phoon yue chin blog and i really like her work especially the chinese entry. she is so cooool.

oh yes, i just talked to evon on msn. it was cool too. i need to stop hiding behind the screen and do all these in real life. ok, i just feel like giving her a hug now. no lust involved.

good night. now, i think of xd and subsequently the rest of theclass. weird...

ok, i just realised i used like many fs in this entry. bye.

was sitting down and i felt my chest was uncomfortable. i dont really know what is going on but they diagnosed me with nothing wrong though i have slow heartbeat like 1-2mth back. i think something must really happen before they will take action. its just so freaking weird. this is .........

on the other hand, i just knew that my ligament is not torn. so i'm very thankful for that. however, i do not know how true is it. because my mate had his ligament torn, but nothing was done. no op. no nothing. so ironic.

went to mustafa. made me very high and i didn't know how to go around shopping. i want to buy that casio watch. hahahah. seldom i see non digital casio watch. damn cheap and classic and nice. like wow. too bad i've got a digital one already.

i've very happy with my buy. hahahahah. i like it alot. boxer shorts. that is the one and only design left. ok, maybe i should start a underwear collection of the different brands soon. hohoho.

one lady in blue or black satin dress with denim shorts was smoking while jaywalking across the pedestrain. luckily the malay motorist slow down. i wonder what will happen if his bike hit her. ok, the main thing is. she still smiled at him and smoking away. she was so cool. i seriously salute her and her smile was so mesmerising. for a moment, i wished i was her bf/cousin/younger brother. i dont know what. ok, i dont know what i'm talking right now but i like her already. i'm starting to think she is about the same age as zhang zi yi. hahahahha.

i think there is nothing wrong with sunbathing. i would want to sunbath if i can to get a even tan. she makes me feel that i'm normal because if she's so pretty and she has a 'slight bulge' at the tummy area, then i'm normal too. all along i though i was freaky fat because of that bulge. kinda dumb. i hope she won't get defeated by these paparazzi. way to go zhang zi yi!

nowadays my pain threshold is getting lower and lower. somehow i'm starting to bleed more as i rid the hair. i'm starting to feel that my immune is getting worse and worse as i grow older. but the peak of health of a normal healthy person is 24. i wonder if i get any diesease/illness or something.

i seriosuly hate waking up every 2-3hours every night and look at the clock. it just happen. hate to be so tensed.. luckily my cough medicine have been working well for me these few nights.

i also gotta make it a point that i wont go botak anymore because people will discriminate u no matter where u are. public or org.

seriously, i wish to be a girl sometime because guessx3 is on and these girls are so powerful. i want the power of a girl. it can make a guy go crazy. so cool with tattoo.

ok, i'm starting to write for others to see again. shall stop here.

god bless all

ok, i decided i like natalie portman too. she' so so so so so so so X1000000 smart! psychology. 5 langauges. oh so attractive.

dont worry about growing old. grow up.

men make love to woman to seek revenge. (ok, dont get traumatise, not all males are like that)

emptiness kills slowly.

ok, i sound like a 12 year old kid. byebye.

how to become closer to everyone. what happens when you become closer but cannot help to solve the problem, you will feel useless or irritated or don't feel like bothering at all. disappointed with yourself, and then the friendship wont be as stable anymore cos when people tell you something they expect (at least most of them) help... unless really connected, then emotional support can help. ah, then gotta learn how to be good at everything now. wow. scary.

elegy is nice. but some parts i still dont understand. gotta learn how to watch more of such movies. so artistic. salute penelope cruz. i have a crush on her already.

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20090101/tls-newyear-britain-health-aeafa1b.html

i suppose i cannot make any resolutions since after reading this article. but still;

ankle recovery
join more races
less abdominal fats
more happy (glad that i feel i'm more myself around poly friends)
stop thinking of those two vicious cycle
grow taller
no signing on (comfortable but scary thought when i think of it)
be myself in front of more people (but not irritating them)
give hugs to more people esp kw,evon and 2/6 people (friends and family)
phuket or some other place close to nature overseas
people around me to be happy
love myself
health of parents
maybe stargirl?
maybe driving?

ok, too greedy and none will come true. time to try to slp.
just received kw's sms. wished he can my smile right now after reading it. and one more last thing to add in to the wish list for now: more spontaneous. if not , my mum will say so fierce and serious.... no girl like.

god bless.

the beach party crowd was not as crowded as i expected. overall, it was still quite an enjoyable experience.

i did it again. i controlled myself. i should have been more spontaneous.
dunking tank. foam pool.
i am not like that by natural. i am quite a slut yet i dont act like one because i keep doubting my own body or think how people will judge me. i like my body one day and dislike it the next day. everybody have flaws but i just don't want to have any which is impossible.

salute those girls who bare it off. even those who have clothing on also expose some other parts of their body. they have those confidence that i don't have. think i should go out more so that i will become less lustful. is it 'unfair' that males are clothed and females are exposed to so much danger? they should put it mandartory that guys should be topless.

i am starting to dislike my body especially my legs. i know i'm not but i just cant stop. wonder who will accept me for this. if i can reverse time, there is two things i definitely won't do because it is gone forever. my spouse will be not be able to get the best out of it. though i most people say they wont mind but deep inside i know somehow it matters to a certain degree to sustain a r/s.

ok, i just keep going on. this is not exactly what i wanted to type before i shower.
no regrets on getting the tattoo but wished it could be lower to the hipbone so it teases and looks more sexy.

thx evon, jiayi, xiaode, chinwei, ben.