life's been rough but i hope everyone's morale and mood will be up and welcome the new year with a smile. hope later will be good. sorry about not celebrating it with my other friends but i know they will be glad for me because i'm going to do what i feel/want/think like doing. sleep well all.

seriously cant wait to get sacked this org.

allison stokke
melanie adams
stephanie rice
rafael nadal
lebron james
liu xiang
usain bolt
ryan babel
maria sharapova
dana torres

reading the sundays times top few beautiful athlete makes me feel sad.

and 22 to start is real old. wish i can restart life again.

saw myself in the mirror for a good whole minute and for a moment i really hate my cheeks and chin.

help me get pass this stage please. so many others are feeling the same as me but why?

please save me or any one them who needs help.

god bless.

sometimes i jsut want to restart life again. but then again, i will not get to know all my friends now. how ironic. some things are just irreversible and you just got to live with it which will makes u more down to earth but it will hurt as always.

wonder what will happen if i didnt declared any injury. maybe i might be chee heng's buddy.

ok, time to slp. good night all.

i just hope everyone have fun this new year's eve even if i'm not physically with any of them. i hope the way i type or reply stuff won't offence anyone with or without those singlish. i didn't mean anything.

torn between siloso or 2/6 pple. ok , more of joy actually. but yes, siloso please. just hope i won't die of heart attack. i want to be more my naughty self in a way, but hope i wont go around doing the wrong things.

i always have this thinking that i might die of heart attack one day. i do not know why.

i thought today is 27th december and i sms grace kwan. ok, only when she called i realised it is 28th. ok, i'm so so so dead. wanted to ask her and yj where are they but i just got defensive and kept saying i mixed up the date. i ought to be shot.

ok, i got to sleep now. bye. evon just sms me. going to read the sms now. hehe.

i feel most of us keep working to fill up the void in our hearts.

it applies the same to dressing up.

the song in yj's blog is nice. and i envy her. so pro. but maybe i should find out more of the sufferings first before i decide if i really envy her. but still..... cool.

weird i don't know why i can't get high nowadays. maybe maybe i might hit menopause when i'm 30. still can't figure out why almost everyone is nice.

happy boxing day all.

with wishes,
melvin

bought food for my brother and saw a girl who is helping out her family(if i'm correct). she's wearing a yusof ishak tee. she's taller than me. she's does not induce lust in me initially but she's pretty. helping out on christmas day is one good virtue. attractive. makes me feel i'm so superficial and f up. oh, i should be her friend and learn from her.

on the other note, i like avril lavigne. she's on tv1 now. after that going to shower. sorry xd.

ok, just ended. hahahha. just wished i'm avril lavigne's. she is just so attractive, i dont care what others say if she's angsty or look like a 12yr old.

ok, time to go out and face the world now.

the intense feeling is here again but it's almost impossible. sometimes i feel that i cannot live with blackejetta.blogspot.com another year is coming to an end soon without realising it. i just went back to read her entry about shanghai and i thought i just read it like recently. how time flies...

how far have i gone to pursue my dreams? i don't know. there's always other circumstances that makes my will very weak... i just wonder what will happen if she closes her blog. she's just a very nice girl/lady and i've got full of admirations for her. smarty, witty, sews, rich.

merry christmas all.

joining the safari zoo run 2009 with zheng wei. hope i can make it in time to train. i'm just going for the distance now, no more timing for now in case i worsen my ankle injury.

and i hope zhenzhu will burn and rot in hell. she's such a f up character. piss me off so much. feel like slaping her till her face bleed. yucks.

sometimes i think how good it will be if i'm not born in singapore.

or maybe i'm rather f up as a person who can't cope with changes and not willing to be realistic and still being very adamant on competitive timing, health and everyone but i just cannot/don't know how to handle situations.

ok, i'm f up.

time to slp and shower soon.

i really feel like slapping zhenzhu and robert zhang in the little nyonya and hope they will burn in hell. no offence elynn kok and the other guy.

f up how this world works.

'we just care about those we we care most.. we didnt realli go care about others... '

true...

we may have judge/condemn each other too much, but deep down under we all want each other to be happy i suppose so. it's just how the world works that we have to show our survival instinct to sustain our fragile life. just read joreen blog and ok, i don't know why but i just feel good for her. as in good she is doing well, right now i don't know how to define happy.

another new phrase of life. much tougher as i heard, but i will pull thru it.

feel that i'm starting to type for others to see again. all these trivial matters seem so aggerated when i type them down. it feels liek i'm complain but i'm not. ok, maybe i shld get moleskine soon if i stay in.

there's no need to explain further. glad that i'm learning not to get defensive in e org. f. ok, shall go slp now. later.

yes man is a very nice movie. everyone should catch it.

i saw joanne peh at cineleisure on the second level(World of Sports). she's so beautiful and tall. it's kinda weird i don't get very high as i type right now perhaps i know i can't get her. but i really want to go up to her and say she's so attractive and smart to me and shake her hands if possible. she was with a caucasian.

went to st regis to 'visit' k. sorry didn't have chicken foldover. hope you didn't starve the 10+hrs. we went to the rooms and took photographs. the suite is really very very nice. how i wish my 2/6 people and polymates hold a christmas gathering in the room with christmas trees, boardgames, heart to heart talks, poker, food, etc. i wanna to do that with my family too, but i don't know what ot talk or do something that can get everyone involved and interested, just smile on their faces.

ok. i don't know if i should type this. but evon is attractive when she works because it's like so professional.

everyday, i learn new thing. chee heng asked me to go his house sat night but it's all his poly friends whom i don't know. i want to go because it's been a long time i hang out with him and kevin. but i'm afraid to meet new people though i really want to do so. it's awkward. what should i do?

ok, gotta sleep. i'm so deprived of sleep and water. i'm of 3 color tones now from swimming and soccer today. save me god.

god bless.

my body is already conditioned to wake up at 5+ even on weekends. this is bad... i can't really get to slp again.

reading xd's blog now make me realised that there's something i haven't try or might not be able to do it. his care/love for lien... at least for now, i know i cannot have a long distance relationship. most probably will screw it up.

jeanette aw acting is v good in little nyonya. i was surprised she's 29 now. she don't look like 29. wow wow wow. amazing. hope i will look like 23 when i'm 30 too. i just don't know why ying jia's image will jsut flash through my mind when i jeanette aw. i really dislike eelyn kok's character in the show. i wanna slap her the minute i see her! ah, ok. but it's just a show.

jeanette aw is really sweet and i really like her dao looks (very attractive but i don't know why). i find her kinda cute.

gotta have more trust in others. image change. i can foresee the vicious cycle again.
if it rains, i won't swim. if it doesn't rain, i will swim.
swim already then get a slice of cake for dad.
come back home, then will feel tired and sleep.
but i can't get to sleep because it's too noisy.
ok, he's back home now.

then meet ps and pt.
wanna go the nike @ wisma atria. i wanna buy airmax 90 white/white shoes. got an obsession with shoes now.
watch twilight @ 9+pm.
perhaps i might get to see andeline. and this reminds me of joy. ok, thinking of her is good and bad.

maybe they will stay overnight and i will struggle with myself to decide if i should stay with them. i will be so tired, but i enjoy the company of friends (though i always have dao/loner instincts). and if it rains tmr, i will be so moody because i can't play soccer.

gotta start to do thigns first before others if not there will not be meaning.

$50+$50+$50+clothing i wanna buy($100++) + mp3 = ?

santa...

hope my sins will be forgiven.
i wonder how many people can really understand one another and not judge other? still learning.

i dislike the stubbly feeling because i always think it cannot please the other partner. is it true?

still cannot face the fact that it's a irreversible process. shld have made the appointment for today. just thought i mgiht not be able to make it and it's just any vicious cycle. yeah, go eyebrow shaping, treading, i dunno what. be a gay! woohoo.

take care all my friends, all the best for postings.
enjoy your weekend.

god bless all.

ps: didn't see the nurse on the bus for abt 2 weeks.

gotta visit nike singapore wisma atria soon.

had a deja vu just now. found the girl i was admiring very familiar. more to type but yes. i've feeling f-ed up and it seems like it affects everyone. ok. bye.

i am not hip
i'm not cool
i'm not the most handsome
i'm not the tallest
i'm not the most muscular

i feel liek going zouk out after elfie mentioned it. so many people i can see. can make me very high. but after that i'll hit the lowest point again because it's not real. it's just fantasy. so many distractions in ths world..... ahhhhhhh. if only i didn't want to be 'perfect', i might be much better off now. too old to try many things now.

ok. bye.

jsut wanna get high on someting.
jeanetteawalike=yingji
jennifer garner
audrina patridge is like so damn hot.
every female celebrity is v hot. i could marry anyone of them.
christmas mood on and off.
hope it doesnt rain today.
time to do something and not dream.
byebye.

i wanna meet elva hsiao now. just like in 2002 when she shook my hands and signed my album. i miss her. she's still as beautiful as ever and so much stronger than before. she's a nice lady.

i did something stupid today that i shouldn't do so i can have a 4.5days for myself, now i'm left with 2.

i can feel that things are not going right. got this feeling that something will happen one day.

i know i'm not as the same as my old self before i turn 15

i think i'm worse than my old self when i was 18

it is very tiring, i can't really fend for myself. i'm too soft hearted. but if i find out it isn't what i heard at first, i will not trust that person anymore.

i'm scared of the consequences that i will have to bear in the process.

i'm still protraying what people want me to be.

i didn't take my pills tonight.

good night.