just when i thought i was getting better, i got more confused and despondent than ever. i'm just as lousy, lazy, uninitiated as what my uncle, attachement supervisor said. even if i enter the army and get the best cadet award, i still do not know what i want in life. what use do i have? i realised that even i do so much work throughout the night, i'm not sure if it's right. if it's wrong i'm screwed. when i ask before i start everything, i'm told not necessary to know every detail. i'm slow. i've been always less efficient doing double job. so when i shut up, i'm told to ask till i'm sure. yes, i'm afraid to get scolded when i ask every single thing that is deemed as stupid because i do not use my common sense.

ok, i don't know what i'm getting to now. break the rules now? and when i enter army, i'll have to go all over again to discipline myself to listen to instructions and not to question the officer?

end of the day, an obedient child do suffer but it's when they are older. am i right or wrong?

go ahead and laugh at me because i'm that pathetic. i think my life revolves making people feel happier by scolding/lecturing me. good morning world. time to conk off and die.

john arne riise scored an own goal during the last SECOND before the whistle was blown. unbelievable. quite sad. but then that is life. hopefully liverpool will go through by penalties.

i think i wanna add another resolution: go to anfield and attend a CL semi-final.
this will be a life-long dream that will cost few thousand dollars.

god bless all. hope you are sleeping well tonight and not rolling on the bed now.

i like joanne peh's music taste although i don't understand the song but it's so soothing and makes me wanna dance! so sexy! i'm fantasizing of dancing with joanne peh now. like joanne peh is fann wong and i'm the male dancer in the movie. hahahaha. thank you grace tan for pasting her blog address to me. i know i shouldn't be so happy because someone is not feeling very good now. but still, ya. cheer up. actually, i'm feeling tired the whole day. the music makes me wanna slp too. i shall stop here.

PS: nothing much. just wanna say i finally did my first 2 sets of 15 crunches, sit ups and 'cycling' today since 3 weeks ago. glad but unmotivated. i hope i do get back my motivation to do a 10km before i enter army. its demoralising know i getting weaker day by day.

today i saw the biggest ant in my entire life which is half the lenght of my left index finger in the middle of the night.

it's raining tonight yet again. very good to sleep. i want to get to bed right now but it's just this bad habit of 'forcing' myself not to sleep. bad i know but i just like it until one day the doc say my ankle didn't recover well because of lack of sleep or if my life is shortened then i'll be very afraid.

i like the smell of the rain at times when i'm listening to the right music(a1, bsb, s club 7, westlife, m2m, nsync, etc, etc,) to go back in time or just fill my mind with sweet memories from the past.

have a good night sleep, my friends.

auf wiedersehen, und gute nacht

i would seriously want to watch the following matches:

liverpool vs chelsea (home and away matches)
man utd vs chelsea [i don't really care who win though]
barcelona vs man utd (home and away matches)
champions league final (hopefully liverpool vs barcelona)

anyway, i think chelsea goal was purely coincidental. oh yes, it's started to rain now, a good time to sleep. raining reminds me of step up 2. oh so hot the dancers (read: females). moose is kinda cute. i really like how he dance. sexy! he's only 16(real age) and he got to kiss someone 9years older than him! how lucky. just sad i don't have any dancing or acting genes. they're so multi-talented especially cassie ventura. sing,dance,act. really cool. i can only dream of it.

as i'm listening to eileen blog's song right now, i think love is the most bankable thing on earth. does anyone agree?

btw, i think the song is very nice and clear(ok, because it's a female singing). but it is too much for some screwy like me to handle. i'm going to check her out now.

i don't know why i keep wanting to prove myself. opinion from others really matter to me that much? i'm starting to lose my online friends one by one. those whom i've been very close too. i'm in such a bloody mess. ok, going out to meet sec sch friends now. they will help me pull through the day though i don't really want to miss watching joanne peh. i'm such a slut. i can do anything if joanne peh , felicia chin wants me but that won't happen. crazy boy.

reading blinkmummy's blog makes me feel like she's so *thumbs up* while i'm someone whom knows so little about this world. her entries always 'enlighten' me.

i'm addicted to taylor swift's teardrop on my guitar. slow i know. but yes. enjoy.



she's one year younger than me. wow. it's different when you've got talent.

i hate myself for slping at 4++am nowadays even though i know that it will lengthen the recovery time for my injury. i seriously don't know why the fuck do i like to go against myself. i know that i can slping early and waking up early makes me feel very bored but i can go take a swim/tan in the school's pool rather than wasting my life typing stupid entries that doesn't make sense. i bet msot people will look at the picture(esp guys) rather than reading my entries. most people will just glance through it. therefore i put a picture of adriana lima.

i seriously think i'm one screwed up person too. i don't think she's really pretty. jessica alba thighs are too big. nothing is perfect. there's nothing i like no matter how pretty they are. crazy. i even have thoughts of stop exercising and just grow fat and rot and just wish that someday someone will appreciate me for who i am. this is screwed because i don't even feel for jessica alba/adriana lima (one of the world's most beautiful ladies). ok, i really need to go. i think i can't see properly and my eyes hurts badly. i think god might be punishing me because i might have to wear specs/contacts(which i dislike).

what do you define as pure/virgin(sexually)?

i was reading hollywoodtuna when i saw rachel bilson on GQ magazine. so i went to GQ official website after grace when offline yesterday night and saw adriana lima (the supermodel) on their april cover page. since i'm a guy, i went to see the other photos. she's posing nude for them.


taken from GQ magazine official site.

to be honest, i was turned on, wished i'm her husband, etc, etc. but after awhile i was back to normal and i thought of joanne peh in the new channal 8 drama series. yes, i still think of joanne peh though adriana lima have a hotter body (exclaimed by the world).

supermodel are just doing their job, they have to be totally uncovered and male coworkers get to see her entire body. yes, i'm very very jealous! i'll go nude too if i get to see her nude... BUT in this case, are supermodel considered dirty? there is no sexual intention.

in the show, joanne peh sold her body to send her younger sister to study hairstyling in UK. there is no sexual intention too.

in both situations, they both have a choice(we always do) as most will argue. perhaps adriana lima love her body and view it as an expression of love for her body. what about joanne peh? she might feel very dirty as seen in the show, something that will be in her memory till she dies. now we shall look at edison. was the scandal his fault? i don't think so. he didn't want this to happen IMO. even if he's mentally sick or it is an addiction to him, i don't think it is his fault.

look at america... paris hilton. i adore her at times though she can be very arrogant. she's doing well? what about vanessa hudgens(the hairspray movie actress)?

we all have different perspective of pure/innocent/virginity/dirty/filthy, etc.

what if one day you realised that your other half has been hiding this secret from you what will you do?

what if you tell your other half this secret and he/she can't accept it? what would you do?

it is good to know everything, sex, studies, life, travelling, work, finance, property, love, etc. etc. but how do they change your perspective?

oh yes, i want to comment on the 7pm channel 8 series, life made simple aka 'ah wang xin zuan". i find that it's unrealistic. yes, ok i admit that i'm biased towards him because i cant stand his retardation. yes, he is genuine, kind, lovely, etc but he doesn't bring back money. how do you survive in the urban area(city) without money? it's too unrealistic. i don't believe that his love will surpass this factor because everyone in this world wants a good life(love and materialism) not taking care of a retard.

ok, i can't get to sleep now. this sucks. i'm going to stuck tissue up my right nose now because i didn't listen to my body when i've got symptoms showing the past few mornings. i feel like plucking my hair again. i guess i'll really need to go get waxed pretty soon. there will be consequences if i get waxed too. firstly, someone will see me nude too. so am i considered dirty because my other half is the first to see me nude? secondly, i won't want a male to see me nude because it's so gay but i'll be embarrassed if it's a female. or they only have male staff for male waxing? dilemma.

anyway, does anyone know if singapore still sell motorola slvr L72(that came out last june)? how much does it cost and if it is good to use? ok, this entry is so incoherent... i'll go and lie down on the sofa now before my eyes starts to hurt very badly again.

i saw this at the bus stop outside NUH today.

i'm feeling like... i'm on my own again at this moment.

i learnt a new word: inconsolable. :)

i think i'm getting use to this lifestyle slowly. need more time management/social skills to improve, cannot stay inside this comfort zone or else i'll become someone whom i somehow promise myself not to become in future. the feeling and point of view is totally different when you're in this 'experiment' from that of the feeling and point of view of those who are not involved. i was screw loosed yesterday, went to buy a pair of socks for $16.90. laugh at me. hohoho.

god, please let my leg recover fully by this month...

seems like i reach home later and later each day. i wonder when will i fall ill? how will it be from next week onwards? great. 4hrs of slp but i'm not donald trump or bill gates or teo ser luck. even then they are already asleep by now.

i don't like work routine (office job) neither do i like unhealthy work routine (night shift). i like exercise/sleep routine only. but in order to achieve exercise/sleep routine you must get a routine job. it will be a bonus if i can get to go out and meet people to learn/do sports but still can have a proper exercise/sleep routine. how cool is that?

about 27 more days. yeah. soon. perharps. i don't know. time to sleep. good night all.

i'm scared but this world is like that. this society is like that. you can't get what you want. you work = better slping time or worse slping time but worse health (fatter). money won't do you all the good in the world but its goot to have money. so contradicting. seriously, i need the money but i also want my health. what should i do? and it's bad nto to accept it when i start because it will ruin friendship. so what should i do? i'm feeling uncomfortable not doing that time for almost 2 days. should i stop or not? take care xd.

5,10,11,13,14 have things on these days. but is free in the evening except on 13.
still have other dates to confirm.

money or life or social life or friendship or running or swim or my leg or materialism or?

good night all. happy working tmr to all my poly classmates.