cutest pic.

i need someone to cure me or help me end my misery.

i do not know what should i do now. it's so screwed up cos i slept in the afternoon. anyway, many things happened. sentosa was fun. i'm hope the girls had fun. i like it when everyone enjoys themselves and there's peace and harmony. mum's birthday was screwed again because i quarrelled with my siblings. the incident in the bus make me realised something. i feel inferior when standing beside a girl taller than me but i like tall girls. it's too conflicting. this two weeks term break doesn't rejuvenate me. it was a monday blue for everyone. how difficult can be to wish someone happy birthday in front of the boys. i still can't do it. i'm so tired of everything. but it's paolo maldini birthday today. :)

i realised there's so much to life. sometimes i just feel education takes up too much of our life that we can't even do and enjoy the simplest thing. now i might know why my paternal aunt and her whole family migrated to new zealand for slightly more than a decade ago to live by a sea and open a small convenience shop there. i still haven't got a chance to go visit them yet. sigh.

i need to escape to the countryside of some other country and probably do some social work overseas later. first, i need to find myself again but i doubt i can do it in this environment. i'm still in the process of doing that but i think i'm just weird. i'm like totally lagging and not not in tune with my age. when i'm 12 i do what a 10 year old does. when i'm 16 i do what a 14 year old does. even till now i still get lost in orchard. i should be doing stuff like working part-time, learning driving, partying, socialising, etc. yes? i just can't do what a 19 year old should do when i'm missing out any other "younger phrases" of life. this might explain why i'm such a freaking loner and so anti-social.

this sem might be a flock. tutorials aren't like tutorials. i've this habit of being late for the first lesson everyday at least for half an hour. i don't know why there isnt any motivation anymore. i have this very strong feeling i won't be lucky anymore since god bless me with improving results every sem when i do not put in extra effort.

i've changed. i do not care as much as i do in the past. i do not agree with my friends anymore when i feel it's wrong. i screwed evon, and made some others not so happy especially grace tan when i tried to tease her. it's become a habit for me to be less polite to her. it definitely feels better when i can joke and talk more, but relationships are more fragile.

watching the inter-jc soccer matches make me so nostalgic. i want to experience that too. but i can't anymore. i just keep thinking about it. even if i quit school now, it wouldn't help. how do i fill in this empty void inside me? what can be done? it sucks to live everyday without filling what i really want to do but to do what the society demands of you. i don't want to live with regrets anymore.