i wish i can attend my cousin's wedding tea ceremony later in the morning but there is freaking property management test at a freaking 9am. it sucks because i just started studying not too long ago and i might just fail it if i forget all the calculations tomorrow as i can only have about <5 hours of sleep, and i can't memorise for nuts. stupid course that requires so much memory work.
thank goodness financial management has many calculations, but i forget all those theory part i memorised so i hoping to get >75. girls who don't look like they play soccer yet they do, are getting more and more attractive.

screw financial management. F it.

i don't really like those who are better than me (born smart or hardworking) and talks so much or being sarcastic. especially if you are born rich and think that you can survive without going through all those shit (though you really might, but by then your freaking ego is burst) ... if you are born poor and that you are not improving anymore and you think you're so good because there is people better than you... quit acting if you can't act well anytime of the day of this whole social game in your life. i'm a bastard. are you?

sitting on the bus on the way to botanic gardens last monday made me recalled

how my primary school soccer team sung in the bus...

i think we either draw 1-1 or won 1-0 for our first match.

mr donald tan bought rose syrup for us to drink during half time on the way to queenstown field...

i didn't guard the post properly because someone was unmarked and i thought it was my job and left the post, lose 2-1. albert being the goalkeeper scolded me. i teared in the bus sitting at the inner seat while others noticed. albert apologised to me. i learnt never to leave the post no matter what after mr donald tan told me off my mistake...

the moulmein no.7 striker took me down after the goal kicked was taken.. they carrying on playing and thomas scored but i didn't see how he scored... i was taken out and malcolm played. i wasn't that badly injured but the next morning, the whole morning session knew i was the player and is a prefect who was taken down, 'dedicating' my life to school...

our highest scoring game 6-0 played in bukit ho swee primary school (now gan eng seng primary school)

we lost to st. micheals 4-0 and got 2nd in south zone. half of their team was at least half a head taller than us and they were physically fit, they deserved to win.

we lost 2-1 our last match in boon lay secondary school, the muddy field. knocked out off the first round of nationals.. i remembered how nicholas headed out the ball unitentionally if not we could have draw... how the whole goal post tumbled down before the corner kicked was taken becaused wilson pesik guarded the post and grabbed/pulled it down.. how mr donald tan rotated the squad and try to let everyone play... but say thuan did not play for the last match as i played his position while the 6H guy( i forgot his name) took my position as he didn't play before... how we sat there after the match and went back dissapointed.

my short stint of this competition has made/break me to become who i am now and i can't forget it ever in my whole life. friendships, trainings, going through everything as a team. the only thing i know i want more than other thing i want. i want to live in it, i don't really want memories... participating in competitions is important to me... i guess if shi ling sees this blog she will understand so much more especially when vjc soccer girls won this year competition and was last in last year's.

somehow losing hope in soccer, the only constant i have... after i realised how i played today...
i can't seem to improve anymore even though i haven't get to the top yet. stagnant for 6 years with cca i don't really like (but still do have memories) in sec sch and ccaless in poly.

self fulfiling prohecy. pass the 5 credit tests or have retest? i really begin to lose interest in studies.