i like carolyn kepcher... after watching apprentice yesterday night. my crush came back again or sth like that. she's married. hoho..... this is mad.
just wondering. nat worked today, means she didn't go to sch? pon? nvm.
shit. i dunno what to say. i was pigging out when i was about to blog, suddenly i wonder. what's her ambition. i have changed my hp wallpaper too.
the funniest thing is , when my mum saw that. she said that is yanzi. i was like ???. or maybe she's pretending. oh well, i hope she will know that's not yanzi but her after my bro took my hp cos i wanted to take zilian pic. didn't expect him to open my phone. lucky, my mum didn't have much reaction. ok, boring entry...

i'm damn late.... not my mum's fault though. it's my. but if she wants to cook for bro and sis, why don't she tell me earlier. later some of them leaving at 11am, play what soccer? how am i going to ask the loan from ivan or carlvin kor kor if i'm already late. i will take at least 1/2hr to reach there. plus, the car's brake is spoilt. how to speed? this is shit..

2 person bday today. my sis and chee heng. well, nothing much. i was alone again till yong kai and yong geng comes. yong kai is really good... i wish we can be best of friends or at least friend with him forever. he's way tooo goood. anyway, cos it was mostly chee heng's class people, so quite isolated la. bought him a rip curl metal bottle anyway. cos i wun know whether i have the money to treat him the next time. oh yes, i accidently touched clarecia just now. it wasn't on purpose. i hope she dun think it that i purposely do that. and hate me even more. at least, i have a line conversation with her.
"sorry.."
"it's ok."
that was the conversation. in english. hoho. ok.
actually, i din know why suddenly i thought of rosanne out of sudden, when yong kai comes. cos he talked to me and make me feel that i'm not an extra. just as the thought of having him as a friend forever, rosanne appeared. well, i hope to keep it this way. though i had thought of clarecia for few mins just now.
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yes, i hope rosanne is asleep now already. she blogged the last entry in idg's blog. i assume she's going to quit her job soon or is it her contract is over? thinking back, i think that was just another entry she blogged thinking of the future.
the o's result which is most probably released on 25feb will be the present for my birthday.. i just hope i get 15. then go poly or jc. wonder where rosanne will go...
i wished i can grow up real soon. so that i can help her ease her pain or sth like that. i hope i can be like ed. or maybe she will choose him rather than me. i dunno. i'm ugly now. i have no money to go for anything... hai.
i wonder shld i borrow money from carlvin kor kor... $200. i decided not to buy any shoes le ba. unless someone is willing to pay for me except my parents. the $200 is for the vehicle maintainence[ it that how u spell it?]. after chiense new year, i can return him back the money... from the hong bao, and the work i will be doing this work. most probably tmr i hope.
ok, i think i go slp le. was awaken by my dad. this entry was supposed to blog abt her de. now i'm ranting away. damn. soccer later... hope i have the energy to play. yes, i'm going to trim my hair. everyone says it's long.
thinking of her face now. ha.

hwlr...

i think i having a crush on rosanne... it's like she's not that pretty after i saw the pic. but then it's like after i saw her display pic. she's like so pretty.. i dunno la... anyway, i hope to maintain this crush for 1/2 yr. i dun ambitious first. slowly then increase... i hope.. pls.. oh well, i think looks dun really bother me as much as in the past.. and i'm chatting with her now. wondering why she took so long to reply. but nvm. i'm happppppppieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....................
i want to follow that guy that likes her for so long. his name is ed.. if i'm not wrong. didn't ask her abt him though. cos later she' will be stressed or sad.
her pic is so nice. well, she's not totally angel though. haha. she just replied. hope i just dun screw up this conversation....
she go and slp le....
i hope that she is willing to let me lend her my shoulders. i really hope this feeling won't fade away. and i will grow taller and more handsome to suit her.

well, i try to recall every single word i thought of... cos only at that moment. my brain/mind is full of thoughts. full of that. when it comes to blogging or writing, it just stop. i dun feel true. my personal diary has just like 5 entries? haha. well, i know if i dun say anything out, no one is able to help. and in my mind now, i'm wondering how jw and wx feel. it's just shit. well, maybe i have a blog just hoping that i wil get someone's attn. but now i know, i feel that what jernan said on friendster is right. i dun think nothing last forever. anything. everything. pple do betray themselves.

well, i just rejected jiawang and weixiong to go swimming. they have changed it to the afternoon. i think most probably for me. or maybe not. i'm going to play soccer later though. not really wanting to go is because, i want to read every entry rosanne blog in her's and her friend blog... just want to know more abt her. but then i dunno what's the use. i dun see her real life, just online. and i know i'm not a good chatter online. maybe jw and wx is angry is me. not too sure. but how can i like stop worrying and think that they're not angry with me. if they are, maybe i shld treat them to a meal? this idea just struck on me. however, it's again like making use of money to cover every single shit. i've become a worst person...

today was tiring. and i pissed rosanne off i supposed. i dunno what's wrong with me. joyce was the day before. moodanfeb hates me now. cos i dun want to open hp line for her. but i dunno her at all. well, maybe i'm just a selfish bastard. i dunno. i'm tired. i have a feeling that this part of me will follow me till poly or even an adult. maybe it's fated. maybe before was just part of a happy memory that i didn't cherish. all i want now is to turn back time... everything will be different. i wished i was a baby again... i hate it... i'm trying so hard but to no avail... well, maybe i'm self-pitying myself. such a loser. pple who read this. pls comment. to wake me up. to curse me. to praise me. to do anything to me. change my life.

i'm just wondering who will read it. haha. cos i din give anyone my address at all.
i dun seem that sad now that i'm blogging. and i dun feel like blogging anymore. i just cant write to express myself when i'm sad. no one can really understand me anymore.